Main Page Ranting More Ranting Post-America Tourist Other Writings Snafu Other Stuff Links

Previous Page
Main Tourist Page

Jump to... 1 2 3 4

January 4 - The thermometer is a piece of crap. (Just so you know)
This was the driving home day. It took about 8 hours to get from Vegas to San Diego, and was mostly an unremarkable journey. The only thing of note, and it of mere minor note, was the town of Baker, California. Baker, near Death Valley, claims to have the world's largest thermometer. It's 134 feet tall, because 134ºF was the highest temperature ever recorded there. About 54º Celsius. That's pretty fucking hot.
Unfortunately, the thermometer sucks. I was excecting a giant alcohol or mercury thermometer, an actual working thermometer. Instead, it's a digital piece of crap, the picture of which can be found at the bottom of the page.

Given the lack of things to talk about, I'm going to go into excessive analytical detail fo the various state number plates. I've done this once before, during my East Coast journal thingy. I'm the sort of person who pays attention to this crap, and as such I'm returning to the subject after my observations made during this trip...

Arizona's plate features the slogan "Grand Canyon State". This is known as playing to your strengths. Many of the larger, emptier, more dull states do this. Utah's plates feature the slogan "Greatest Snow on Earth"... not only is this a moderately clever pun, (to a 6 year old) but it's an acceptable alternative to the equally applicable "Mormonland". Strangely, none of the Utah plates mention the Mormon Olympics. This is odd, considering NSW's abundance of Sydney Olympic plates. Although, considering the overall crappiness of the Salt Lake games, it's probably for the best.
Other slogans are just plain odd. New Mexico has a highly colourful plate bearing the slogan "Land of Enchantment". To the best of my knowledge, New Mexico is a barren, featureless desert suitable for nuclear testing... hardly what you'd call 'enchanted' unless by 'enchanted' you mean glowing. This name is especially ironic when you bear in mind the recent burning of Harry Potter and Shakespeare books (both featuring 'enchantments' and the like) and other 'heretical' literature conducted by a crackpot fundamentalist Christian group in New Mexico. I'd have thought the word 'enchantment' to be dangerously paganistic for this state's tastes.
Meanwhile, some states are so lacking in things worthy of vehicular recognition that they double-up on noteworthy features. Surely these places aren't quite so singularly dull that they have to double up? At any rate... North Carolina claims to be "First in Flight" while Ohio says it was the "Birthplace of Aviation".
The frozen, almost Canadian north gets in on the plagurism act too... Michigan has the "Great Lakes" while Minnesota has "10000 Lakes".

At least they're trying, I suppose. Some other states are too completely dull and unimaginative to even come up with a state slogan. These states are cursed, they're so uninteresting and unimportant that their biggest claim to fame is 'nice scenery'. Colorado has snowy mountains, Oregon has a tree. Nebraska has what appears to be some sort of plains scene, though it could be a straw hat. California's is worse. California, I assume, is so totally, compltely self absrobed that it doens't care about inventing an imaginatve plate to show off to the rest of the country. Theirs is the dullest of the lot, a white background, with 'California' written in bad cursive. Pathetic.

It's not all dull though, some are instead full of truley sickening Hallmark sentiment. South Carolina's plate couldn't be more full of fluffy horseshit if a goddamned Carebear threw up on it... "Smiling Places, Beautiful Places". What the hell is this crap? It's as bad as Pennsylvania's "You've got a friend in...". Worse possibly, because it has a funny accent, too.

Georgia's says "Georgia... on my mind." I believe this is referring to a song, but even so, I think that some of the other dull states should follow Georgia's lead and claim to be on or near body parts. Think of the possiblities: "Colorado ...up my nose", "Oregon ...near my crotch" or my personal favourite, "Nebraska ...in my spleen". Oklahoma's chief claim is to be 'OK', which is roughly equivalent to the time when Melbourne's tourism pitch was that it is 'livable'. I can't verify Oklahoma's OK-ness for you all though, having never visited there.

Amidst this madness, some states took the sensible route, electing to keep it simple, and base their plate on a major export. Not terribly groundbreaking or original, but a safe bet in the seemingly chaotic sea of state number plate slogans. Nevada is the "Silver State", referring to its mining origins. (When your state's sole reason for existing is hookers and neon signs, it's best not to get fancy) Idaho has "Famous Potatoes" - amusing and accurate.

Wisconsin claims that it is "America's Dairyland." This is all well and good, except that it isn't. California now produces more cheese than Wisconsin. Considering that cheese is the sole reason for Wisconsin's existance... I think it's time to sell this now functionless state to Canada.

And, with my overly long analysis of some American 'license plates' done, it should be mentioned that a scant 8 hours after leaving Las Vegas, we arrived home. Back in San Diego, shrouded in the choking grey 'marine layer' of fog that we all know so well.

Hover the mouse over a photo for a description.