HEALING POWER

Paul Vineburg, the owner of this site, has very kindly asked me to include my story in these pages.  I haven't yet turned my disease around so I'll try to justify my presence among those who have, or are in the process of doing so. The sole purpose of this is to offer hope to my fellow PALS. We need all the wherewithal we can muster to heal. This will be just another tool in our meager arsenal of weapons against ALS/MND. Hopefully, my longevity and abilities, which are not unique, will inspire and encourage. My concepts on self healing are not new. They're as old as recorded history, and very probably even before. My healing beliefs are based on the Greek philosophers and the bible, to present day proponents of self healing.

Over 13 years ago, in January of 1986, my twitching, right thumb took me to my doctor who sent me to a neurologist. The neurologist put me through a battery of tests, including an MRI, which resulted in an incorrect diagnosis of severe cervical spondylosis. I went back to my GP, told him the diagnosis and he offered, "Oh, thank God, Bill. I thought you had Lou Gehrig's Disease." Very astute doctor.  I had done a lot of reading about all the diseases that exhibited my symptoms. I narrowed it down to vitamin B deficiency, peripheral neuropathy and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, all of which mimicked cervical spondylosis. I had hoped for vitamin B deficiency due to its simple solution. But after continuing to stumble and fall, fracturing my wrist in the process, I thought I'd better check into this further.

 I went to a neuro-surgeon who put me in the hospital for a myelography which determined that I had cervical and lumbar degeneration. But the doctor was "suspicious" of my "spastisity" and referred me to the University of Chicago Hospital Neurology Department. After repeating the initial series of tests in Chicago, I got the correct diagnosis of ALS/MND. That neurologist gave me the usual prognosis... cause not known... no treatment or cure... 2 to 5 years to live. Surprisingly, and untypically, I took the prognosis in stride. In fact, I listened to a Cub's baseball game while driving home. I'm not relating my reaction to be smug or appear indifferent to death. Far from that. It wasn't denial either. I just felt I had the inner resolve to cope with my situation. I have always been an independent, stubborn, self reliant person. I had a certain indefinable quality. Some may call it inner strength but it is not quite that. It is a total absence of hopelessness or helplessness. I trusted the process of life to take care of me. I had the conviction that I would survive. I was, and am, a survivor. I reacted, however, to the light hearted manner in which the doctor was predicting my death.  I strongly resented his "here we go gathering nuts in May" attitude, about my death.  I just wasn't going to be another "good patient" and die when he predicted I would. It's the old chestnut of believing the doctor's prognosis so strongly that you "become a self fulfilling prophesy." An analogy states that some doctors think M.D. stands for Medical Deity. I don't revere doctors and put them on a pedestal, as some people do. They are my equal, perhaps, but that's all. I might add that it has been  statistically determined that patients who give their doctors a hard time are the survivors.

Relocating was a difficult decision to make. At 64 years of age, retired and single, I enjoyed my beautiful beach house I had completely renovated, the beach, my dog and just life in general. But I sold my house on the southern tip of Lake Michigan and bought a house in East Peoria, across the Illinois River from Peoria, where I was born and raised. I felt a need to be near my family in whatever time I had left. Ironically, in the almost 12 years I've lived here, most of my family have passed on.

Four years into my disease, I was still, for the most part, functioning normally. My only problem was falling occasionally, fracturing a few additional bones. In January, 1990 I read Dr. Bernie Siegel's two books on self healing, Love, Medicine & Miracles and Peace, Love & Healing, in which he writes about Evy McDonald, a nurse who healed herself of ALS/MND. The knowledge that a person healed herself of ALS/MND excited me. There was hope! Evy was a staff member of a philanthropic organization in Seattle. I immediately called her there, at  The New Road Map Foundation , several times, but couldn't get in touch with her. So, I wrote a letter to Evy explaining my situation. She answered with the opening remark, "What an outrageously wonderful letter - Thank you for sharing of yourself - so deeply and honestly.", and sent an audio cassette of a talk she had given to a church group, explaining how she reversed her disease. That was the start of a wonderful friendship and the beginning of a beneficial transformation in me, which is still in process.

It's difficult to describe the efficacy of Evy's letters. She taught me, by example, that a healing of ALS/MND was possible. Evy has been a powerful driving force to my longevity. I've listened to Evy's tape, Taking On Life, literally, hundreds of times. Due to the prolonged exposure to Evy's words, it's inevitable that I'll paraphrase her. There are those who do not accept her story. Her reversal of ALS/MND is well documented by prominent neurologists, yet people, medical doctors among them,  just refuse to believe the facts. Some say she was misdiagnosed or just don't believe her story. Evy suffered polio at a very young age and I've heard that some doctors claim she went through a "post polio" syndrome rather than having ALS/MND. I've known some people, with ALS/MND,  who didn't or couldn't accept Evy's healing.  Those disbelievers lacked faith and hope and are now gone. Survivors must have hope.  The expression, "false hope" is sometimes used. There is no such thing as false hope. That's an oxymoron. Hope is hope. There may be hope based on a false premise but hope is still hope. Faith and hope are essential to healing.

It is  important to note that Evy used no supplements or external devices to heal herself. She used the God given device, her mind, her pragmatic thoughts, to effect a healing. It's been documented that a person with multiple personalities can have a disease, diabetes for example, in one personality and not in another personality. Proof of what one's thoughts can do to and/or for a body. Evy, in effect, became another person. She changed her entire life's beliefs. She became a person whose internal environment wasn't right for disease.  In the last year, I have found a second tape by Evy, on the Internet. at The Simple Living Network . Both cassettes, of Evy's, Taking On Life and Living With Illness are offered at that site and the second tape is every bit as effective as her first tape.

 Evy's influence on my belief system was extraordinary.  Her ideas were augmented by the philosophies of authors of books on self healing, Joseph Murphy, Dr. Bernie Siegel, Louis Proto, Louise Hay Hay House , Dr. Herbert Benson, Dr. C. Norman Shealy & Carolyn Myss, Caroline Myss, Norman Cousins, Joan Borysenko, Peace Pilgrim,  Friends of Peace Pilgrim  and others. I used tapes for visualization, meditation and imaging all of which are that royal road to the subconscious. I use a Walkman to listen to tapes in bed at night before going to sleep. The subconscious mind is more receptive prior to sleep and upon awakening. I have culled philosophies, theories and ideas from many sources to form my fundamental belief structure. I believe there is a center of wisdom in each one of us that will choose and accept what is right for us. The greater the source of self healing methods we expose ourselves to, the more choices we have in developing our individual belief system.

After going on 14 years of having ALS/MND I'm still walking and talking. I have a cane and walker but never use either. I sometimes use a wheelchair when going out to the doctor or shopping. My speech is faulty but still understood. I talk on the phone with friends and family and they understand me. I walk in the house by using walls, furniture and appliances to give myself balance. Although my energy level is low, I take care of all my personal needs. I make my bed every day, change it once a week and do my laundry once a week, which involves going down a flight of stairs in my split level home. I exercise three times a week, in my bathroom, before my shower. Standing in front of my vanity, I do squats, side bends, pushups off the vanity, et cetera.  But, my proudest physical achievements are cutting my own hair, which I've been doing for 35 years, (When I started, I figured, if Cary Grant can do it, so can I.) and putting in and removing my hard contact lenses every day. I haven't lost a lens in more than 15 years. I watch sports on TV, rent a video once a week, read, listen to self healing tapes, listen to music CDs and tapes, prepare my own meals and work with my computer. I very seldom leave the house but have a glass sliding door with large adjacent  window, in my family room, from which I enjoy nature in the woods behind my house. The glass door leads to a deck I can enjoy if I choose. My life style might be unacceptable to some, but, in general, I enjoy it. I feel blessed and am content with it.

What brings on illness and disease? Every cell in our bodies responds to every thought we think and every word we speak. A lifetime of pervasive, negative thoughts about how  we perceive ourselves, others and the world around us weakens the immune system and generates an internal environment in which a disease can grow, thrive and even flourish. Lack of unconditional love of the self is the bottom line. Some are uncomfortable with the word love applied to themselves. It's not a romantic love, of course. Unconditional love of the self is a complete acceptance and approval of the self. Many will claim that their loved ones do or did love themselves and are offended at the suggestion that they didn't. But did they really? Or did their facade fool people into thinking that they did. People have a private, hidden part of themselves and a mask is developed to cover it. A well developed facade will deny the presence of inner negativity. My facade fooled many people into thinking I loved myself and sometimes it fooled me. I have discovered that I had my feet planted firmly in the air for years when I thought they were firmly on the ground. Environmental factors play a part, too, in the disease that will manifest. Constant, habitual, negative thoughts about ourselves will create a disease in a person that they are genetically and environmentally prone to. Hate and all negative emotions are totally useless and produce suffering. Negative thoughts about ourselves give our subconscious a "die" message.

Conversely, love of ourselves and positive thoughts about ourselves give the subconscious a "live" message. There are many elements to self healing. Positive thinking alone isn't enough.  A conviction in the efficacy of any method of healing is an essential component. If you believe it will heal, it will. Shamans and witch doctors who heal demonstrate what the mind can do to the body. It's the belief that heals, not the method or object used. I firmly adhere to the idea that, if I were absolutely convinced that hugging trees would heal me, it most certainly would. The mind is much more powerful than is generally realized. The placebo effect can astonish even the most ardent believers. Dr. Bernie Siegel, in his book, Love, Medicine & Miracles, tells a story about a man who personifies the placebo effect. Living in the present is also important. Forgetting the past and forgiving those in our past will help heal. Ridding our minds of all negative emotions, fear, anger, jealousy, resentment, worry, et cetera, will aid in healing. Constant, repetitious positive thinking about ourselves can arrest or even reverse a disease. Thoughts alone can and do heal as evidenced by Evy McDonald. But utter and complete honesty with the self is absolutely essential to healing. Love of ourselves is not enough. We must love others as well and it must come from the heart. That means getting rid of resentment and all negative emotions for others. Good health is a byproduct of loving, accepting and approving of ourselves and others. But how to do that? Constant repetitive positive affirmations about ourselves and others is essential. Listening to tapes is a very effective way in which to reach the subconscious. One final ingredient. The motive for healing should be to love and help others and, again, this must come from the heart. I refer to Dr. Bernie Siegel again. In his book, Peace, Love & Healing, he tells a beautiful story about a landscape gardener who overcame his disease with the desire to give to others.

There are skeptics who may ask, "If your beliefs are so powerful, why haven't you healed?" My answer to that is, if I had the negative mind set that skeptics have, I would have gone down the drain 12 or 13 years ago and I would not be enjoying life and trying to help others as I am today. I will never relent in my quest to heal myself. As you already know, in the title of this piece, the HEALING POWER is LOVE. The sincere desire to help and be of service to others will take me to a higher spiritual level. I will continue to seek a higher spiritual level until the day I die through helping and being of service to others.

One of my favorite Emily Dickinson poems describes where I'm coming from and what I am about.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

If I leave a legacy or leave you with just one, single, solitary thought, may it be that:

I am eager to email with anyone and exchange ideas.
wrblos@home.com