My life journey began in 1948. I was part of the postwar baby boom - a traditional nuclear family - Dad, the breadwinner and Mum, the carer- and large. It was a household dominated by males (I have five brothers). Although my parents struggled to survive, we were secure in the safe environment that had been set up by our parents. My father provided for us as best he could and was adamant that we receive a good education. I recall on many occasions when I sat in front of the television set, there would be a shout of "the books!", leaving us to scurry to our rooms to study. My father was 'patriarch' of the family and extremely authoritarian. We knew the consequences of challenge, usually Dad's strap, the accepted form of family discipline in those days. His philosophies were that when you start something, you stick with it until the very end, even when 'the going gets tough'. Also, never quit! You can do whatever you want to in life. I personally think that the assertive, almost stubborn, disposition I possess is a trait which I have inherited from my father because he was a power figure. My ethics were established in my very earliest years as a result of my father's teaching. He believed in á matter of principle', that what was wrong had to be righted and acted on accordingly. These early family experiences are central to my strong beliefs about not accepting authority for authority's sake. Mum was the carer - kind, gentle and loving. She nurtured us with great care and spent the best part of thirty years supporting her spouse with his demanding work activities. Her mundane daily routine included meal preparation (shelling peas in those days), washing in a huge copper (a large vat heated by gas), resolving conflicts between siblings and supervising homework in our father's absence. As children, the world was our huge playground. We were never inside our house but outside playing. Wherever we roamed (sometimes a great distance from our home), we stayed together and looked after one another. These were the grounds for the strong family ties I now hold. Our imaginary games were unlimited and were not influenced by television: we would become the cowboys or the soldiers that had been portrayed on the 'big screen' at our regular matinee sessions at the local movie theatre on Saturday afternoons. The games would continue after school in the neighbourhood park. This was your life and you played relentlessly. The very happy times and the fond memories still linger.

SCHOOL DAYS IN THE 1950s

Life during these years was just so easy - Monday to Friday, it was off to school with my siblings. I would walk to school with my barefooted brothers in tow, a half-hour journey, where the teachers and administration ran it like a concentration camp. It was all a daily routine - after morning parade, classes would march into school accompanied by music piped through speakers and up the numerous stairs into respective classrooms. What terrified me was corporal punishment - caning. I can still hear that sound echoing along the corridor from the Headmaster's office. The school policy for caning was more directed towards boys. To set an example to other students, the male students who had earned a reputation received more caning from the teachers as well. Mostly, my teachers encouraged me to do my best and every school day was a learning curve for me. I do recall my confusion when my Year 6 teacher presented gifts to the top three students, right in front of the rest of the class. It was not so much that I did not receive a gift that upset me, it was more the fact everyone in the class did not receive one. This was the beginnings of my father's training in ethics coming through. I had a yearning for learning. I loved the grammar rules, Mathematics and English but the Social Studies lessons were what I really enjoyed most. I would sit in awe listening to history lessons about the achievements of outstanding people, such as the Australian explorer, Kennedy, dreaming that one day, the world would be 'my oyster'. It was my escapism! I had a sense of adventure even at this early stage of my life that fortunately, did come to fruition in my adult years. Every lunch hour, we would go out on to the vast oval behind the school to play. As friends, we played with skipping ropes and the boys played marbles or cricket mainly. Come classtime, we would all compete for top marks. The good friendships that were forged during this time still remain and have been of great support to me in my darkest hours (my cancer diagnosis in July, 2003). I feel very privileged to have met and known them.

HIGHER EDUCATION (1970S)

My parents had offered me the opportunity to continue with my education but most of my peers left school in Year 10 to work in administrative roles and I followed. The early 1970s was a time of adventure for me. The realization of just how small my world was prompted me to resolve that I would never be trapped by its walls. I travelled to different countries and drifted into various jobs. I was fulfilling the dreams and aspirations of my childhood. It also gave me the experience of learning from different cultures. I remember vividly my first encounter with the locals with red stained teeth in Papua New Guinea. What relief when it was explained that this happens from beetle nut chewing! Their primitive living conditions made me realize how I had taken my lifestyle for granted. My strong desire to travel was an act of resistance to the traditional norm - that Australian women get married and have families. Instead, I challenged the female gender identity of that era by creating my own identity. It was 5 years before I returned home, contemplating what was next in my life journey and there was my opportunity - free education!

CAREER CHOICE (1980S)

On reaching motherhood, the parenting years were some of the most satisfying years of my life. By the time our second child had arrived, we were struggling 'to make ends meet'. I faced the dilemma - return to the workforce or motherhood. Fortunately, sanity prevailed and I chose the latter. Having a family and parenting is one of the most responsible jobs you can accept so it deserves your full attention. My children did not ask to come into the world. Now, I have an overwhelming thankfulness that I had not missed my children. Taking advantage of the opportunity to stay home upped the odds that I would be in the right place at the right time to witness my children's first accomplishments eg. their first steps. I would care for, nurture and teach my children to the best of my ability. Too bad for them that I had already been brainwashed into an ancient malady, fondly remembered as the work ethic. I can only hope that some day they will exercise the option to understand that I could not help it. My parents from the Second World War generation believed you worked whether you felt like it or not. Work in any shape or form was never optional.

POST-MILLENIUM (50+ YEARS)

Since my cancer diagnosis in 2003, I think differently about things than I did before. Material things aren't important anymore and I've lost the desire to possess things. The most important thing I've learnt is that money is not the first thing that matters. I've decided my priorities are my family and friends and I need them more than I did before. I've realized that I'm vulnerable and that death can be imminent. This has made me treasure every moment of this earthly life as precious. I cherish the faculties I have: to be able to see, hear and walk were things I took for granted. Now when I've achieved, I feel really happy.

In my mother's words, I approach every day as "being the first day of the rest of my life".

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-- Pamela passed away on the 18th October 2006, her battle with cancer lost --

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VALE PAM :

Who did not try to change me? Who loved me more each day? Who listened to my problems? Who chased my cares away?

Who wore no frills or laces? But had courage rich and rare? Who made myday feel brighter Whenever she was there?

People traves through our lives Then vanish like the night; Before we even speak to them They disappear from sight!

And when I was alone and sad Not knowing where to turn: Would someone out there stop for me From whom I'd love and learn?

Magically I realised Someone did come my way; She did not disappear from sight, And I knew she would stay!

Your spirit will always be with me Growing stronger with each day; As I go on and try to help Other friends along the way!

But I must get on with my life You told me - and it's true; So thank you Pam for everything And just for being you!

PAM, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU! YOU WILL LIVE IN MY HEART FOREVER AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

............................................................... " Jocelyn "

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EMAIL TO :family_egan@hotmail.com

Some Links

" My Dad "

" National Breast Cancer Foundation "

"Till the White Roses Bloom Again"

Clan Egan Page

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