Excerpts from a letter to my Pastor a few months after quitting church:

...Church though is another story. As I've said I never intended to go to another church. My wife has wanted to find another church and has considered the Catholic Church, but I grew up Catholic and I would have a hard time taking it seriously. I don't like the rituals, some of the priests and nuns are batty and I hate the church atmosphere, I like a more open environment where you can talk to one another without feeling like you should be quiet. I never did want to go to another church because I've had many doubts about the whole thing and wanted to get away from the whole scene so I can clear my head and figure out what I do believe and why, what I don't believe, and what I want to do to impact the world; to see if I can revive the passion that has dissipated from my life over the years.

Doubts... Ubi dubium ibi libertas: "Where there is doubt there is freedom." I got to thinking about being "slain in the Spirit" and the things that go with it such as: holy laughter, quaking, the Holy Spirit telling you things, barking like a dog ( not in our church but in others ) and other weird behavior and it struck me that it is very similar to hypnotism. So I bought a book on hypnosis and read it, then and these things at church seemed even more like hypnotism to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that there are evil spirits involved at church and I don't believe that evil spirits are involved with other forms of hypnotism either. I see it as a state of mind that can be entered into both individually and corporally. I became both facinated by the things happening at church and embaressed by them but not impressed with them even though I was personally involved. The problem with me was that I would feel that euphoric feeling and fall backwards and lay on the floor (hypnotised in my opinion) for a while and I would "feel the presence of the Holy Spirit" but he wouldn't really say anything to me or reveal anything or change my life in any significant way, and I began to doubt whether God was really involved since nothing really came of it except that news would fly all over town that the "Spirit was really moving in that church". And then we would have the added burden of generating a spiritual environment where these things could take place which was emotionally exhausting and left people fried by the time they got home and unwound, and they (I) would have to gear themselves up for the next service, which was at least twice a week, if you're really "spiritual". Whew!

Fighting Satan... I also grew weary of fighting a losing battle against Satan. Because even though eventually he would fry in hell, in the mean time he is free to pretty much do as he likes to people, screwing up their finances, making them sick, injuring them, and harming their children, all while these people are under God's protection. So either A: God is not strong enough to take on Satan or B: He is completely disinterested in the plight of His people or C: His people are not pious enough, not praying enough, are too selfish, are not setting a good enough example, and don't have enough faith, with the implication being "You deserve it for being lazy, immoral, ignorant of scripture, selfish, etc., etc." I don't think so. I think good things and bad things happen to people all the time that have nothing to do whatsoever with the spirit world. And I think that I will have an easier go of it by facing tough problems toe to toe rather than blaming them on Satan or my lack of piety. So what happens when I run across problems bigger or more powerful than my ability to deal with them? I'll do what everybody else does; the best I can.

Hell fire...This is the biggie. I really have a hard time with the concept of hell and eternal damnation at the hands of a merciful God. To me this punishment is completely unreasonable no matter how you slice it! I don't believe that a human being is capable of doing anything that could justify such a punishment, that's right, anything. The reason why is because the punishment is eternal and it is torture, whereas the crimes themselves have a very short and specific duration that are not worthy of being compared to eternity. So if someone goes to hell because he doesn't believe that Jesus is the Savior, because he is a Jew, a Muslim, a Hindu, etc. would God be just to torture that person in hell forever, never being satisfied that his punishment is complete but always feeling the need to keep the fire going? But what of the lesser crime of calling God names. Do you feel the need of torturing people when they call you names? Are you just in doing so? Or what about an even lesser crime, being born! I'm talkin' "original sin". Is it just to torture someone just because one of their ancestors, many many generations ago did something they weren't supposed to, even if you didn't commit any other sin than being born. This is ridiculous! It is nothing like justice, is not merciful and is abhorrent! And I no longer want anything to do with it. I could go on an on about this because the more I think about it the more outrageous it seems to me...end.

Recommended Reading:

I strongly recommend reading the Age of Reason. It was written by Thomas Paine, an Englishman whose writings and influence greatly aided the cause of the American Revolution. The Age of Reason is the first "real" criticism of the Bible that I had heard. Most other criticisms were weak, his is very powerful and he was a good and honest man.

Atheism: The Case Against God

Losing Faith in Faith

Details