College is a time of testing one's personal values and beliefs for many people, and it was for me. I had always "believed" in God, or at least a God, but was never 100% sure if Christianity was legitimate. My parents were pseudo-christian (claimed to believe, but seldom attended church or followed any of the teachings in their daily lives), and I had adopted their beliefs and values, largely without question. At some point, living on my own and out from under the influence of their beliefs I began to question my prior positions. I had always wondered about things like evolution vs. creation, the resurrection, angels, prayer, and my true feelings on these topics (although I didn't always admit my true feelings to myself, because it was difficult to align with my "religion") pretty much always wound up putting me in opposition to biblical teachings and the views of Christians in general.

I took a philosophy class that dealt with contemporary moral delimmas, and it opened my eyes to the fact that I had formed opinions on many topics long before and never truly given both sides of the issues a listen. That class allowed me to truly examine (for the first time) issues like abortion, euthenasia, drug legalization ... and ultimately led me to question larger issues such as the existence of God. I decided that I did not believe in some sentient being who created all, created rules for humans to live by, and was omnipresent and omnipotent. It just seems ridiculous, and my experience does not support the idea.

I had always felt such a weight on me from questioning and doubting Christianity, yet feelign obligated to my family and my own afterlife to try and believe. In retrospect, I always lacked "faith". Once I was finally able to admit that I didn't truly believe, had no faith, and instead found what I DID believe ("God" doesn't exist, other than the laws and forces of nature ... no heaven or hell, no afterlife), I felt a huge burden lifted from me. I felt happy and, ironically, spiritually fulfilled for the first time ever! I have become more and more convinced in the ensuing 9 years that I am correct. Many of my friends have gone on to become "born again" Christians, and yet I still feel comfortable, justified and happy in my athiesm.

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