Why Joined

I had no choice, my mind was in the hands of xians

Why Left

First of all I began to see the cruel things xians did and the hate.. that and being a xian I was swelling with hate myself

Story

I was born in an average Texas town, moved to another average town. It was all 'normal' and life as usual. Like many I was emotionaly abused - when I did anything wrong they made sure I knew I had failed. Even now when I attempt to do anything in the eyes of others my body freezes and shakes.

My doubt began with my father. He would never say he was racist or sexist but he would go on about 'beaners', the slang for hispanics, also blacks and every one else.. and he was an xian. Also my mother who was emotionally closed off and closed minded.. she was an xian. My grandmother who never wanted anything for her self and in turn is a shaking shell of a person.

Sorry.. Im sidetracking I know.

The trigger to set it all off was knowing some atheists. It utterly shocked me it was possible to not belive in god. With that inside me I read "The Fountain Head" by Ayn Rand. She was so intellegent and made me feel good about myself, unlike any xian thing I had read. I guess the point of this paragraph is that at this point in my life I found the best people in this world - those who actualy changed this world - were ether atheist or did not like church dogma. So many, like many of the founding fathers, the maker of Free trade capitalisim, Segmund Freud. More doubt was laid in my mind.

The climax came one day when I was laying in bed thinking about all the things I had found. Then in my worst I was overcome with all the horrid things that had been done in the name of g*d. It was all apart of me.. weeds in the garden of my mind. I finally yelled out loud "I am just so full of HATE!" and my xanity was killed once and for all.

In time I was thinking in my own way, formulating my own morality. Finding out how this society was put together. Without dogma I found being male was just a matter of physicality. I could be so much more than what was taught to be. I found all religions made it impossible to go beyond ancient and obsolete concepts.. so many insights.. so many things that freed my mind.. and then came the backlash for that.

When one thinks for themself they gain their own identity and that isn't something our world enjoys tolerating. We are supposed to be sheep following some sort of sheperd. In school I saw the idotic group identies that never changed. I was frightened by their anti-change ways and the saying "that's so gay". I was so close to coming out of the closet as a bisexual, but I was met with hate and even once a cigarette placed inches away from my eye by my sexist brother.

I see that cultures that support religion are cruel and ignorant - all of them, and the more support the more ignorance. I am now in my own little culture secluded from everyone. I'm still in school wanting to find those like me. Maybe one day.

Details