I was adopted at the age of 2 into a fundamentalist inerrant religious family. The church was the ultra conservative church of Christ. Being the youngest, life was pretty good as a child. My father was very loving and affectionate. My mother was sweet and patient.

I only remember being spanked twice, for reasons that I thought were unfair. I was never allowed to talk back and state my opinion or try to defend myself. Issues and feeling were never discussed. It was the don't talk unless you are being talked to childhood.

All was well, in fact my parents even moved us to the country so we could experience farm life. This was fun for a while, but this California girl couldn't take the cold.

In 7th grade we moved back to sunny California so my dad could get some steady work.

That was when I was entranced by a youth minister and his family. For the next five years I was at the beck and call of this man. We snuck away together often, he would come to my high school during classes and lunch to see me. Because it was not a sexual affair, his wife had little grounds for divorce. When friends and family tried to tell me that this was a bad relationship I would go to him and he would say that they just didn't understand our love.

My parents were very concerned and finally said that I wasn't allowed to see them.

Of course, being not involved in my personal life they had no idea that I had been seeing them for over a year after that. Before this they sat me down and read to me about David and bathsheeba. I was the most naive sixteen year old that you would have ever met.

I had no idea what he was trying to say, sides the fact that he thinks I'm a slut. In my mind I had done no wrong. I didn't know the mind of men. My mother still to this day has never mentioned or explained sex to me. When I was eighteen they moved and wanted me to move in with them. By this time I had evolved enough to not want to be controlled. And I could sense that this man would be in my bed more than his wives. They haven't talked to me since I said I wouldn't move in with them. That was very hard for me. I got married two years later. Still I was wondering if I had made the right decision. I felt like a puzzle that had all the pieces scrambled. Over the years I was able to tell my husband about all the details of this morbid relationship. That has been healing for me. And I even phoned up his wife and apologized and asked her if she wanted to talk with me. She declined. But I had closure.

Jeff and I left the ultra conservative group about five years ago. We church hopped three times. Then Jeff was asked to teach a class at christian camp of the history of Jesus.

Taking it very seriouosly he searched over the internet. He was able finally to read all the history of Jesus. For months he was very apathetic about church and God, and I pushed him to be the spiritual leader. He confessed that he was doubting christianity. After weeks of crying, I calmed down and wanted to know what he read and where he read it. My mind exploded with knowledge. I feel so enlightened. We go through about a book a week, books like Losing Faith in Faith, Leaving the Fold, The Age of Reason, and more.

We finally couldn't sit in church anymore and make our 7 year old daughter go through such indoctrination. I suggest buying Maybe yes, Maybe No by Dan Barker for Young Readers. We didn't come out of the closet openly, we just snuck out of the closet.

But word spreads fast. I realized that all my close friends were right wing extremists.

All the ones I called best friends homeschooled. I would still gladly be their friend, but they can't be mine.

I wonder if I did the right thing. A woman from church said that I will live my life and all that will be on my tombstone will be that I was a "good foster parent," and how that will be really sad. That hurt, even though I would love it if it said that.

I can't get anyone to search the history of christianity, they are so closed to knowledge and history. I like being on this side of the road. I have a wonderful family and there are alot of great people out there who could use a friend like me.

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