i was born into xanity i had no choice. in the back of my mind i didn't actually believe. i got angry at the stories of innocent animals dying this was before i realized innocent child were murdered. my first big doubt came when the preacher said an infant was' black hearted and would go to hell 'but it did not because it was too stupid. as the years went on i really began to hate church; the preacher screaming and peaple passed out on the floor crying or screaming. no one seemed happy at church except the preacher when the collection plate was passed around. back then i did not understen why an animal didn't have a soul and they would not go to heaven .then the preachers' tirades on the 'roles of womyn' broke down my faith even more. i left last fall shortly before my birthday i felt so free i could even start to feel the GODDESS in everything. i didn't look back and i didn't have a fear of hell.i still feel like a prisoner; i am forced to go to church every sunday and look at jesus pictures on the wall. my mom doesn't know i left, it would break her heart if she did. my blood boils with rage every holiday that xtians stole from my ancestors and commercialized. i can no longer stand being around my mother's black and white world view; she thinks the usa is a xtrian country (it angers me) i feel so alone in the tiny town i live in esp. since i am the only non-xtian here. it is sad; my friends refuse to believe the holidays are based on something not xtian. in the short time since i have left i have went through wicca (too strict), voodoo, islam (too strict) and a hundred other faiths. i have settled on traditional witch craft since it has such a relaxed feel and a beauty that comes from it. but everyday, xtians face their faith on me even though they think i am xtian. i try to stand tall but i feel as if i am being beaten into the mud. i hate keeping this most beautiful secret. no one understands me anyway, so no point in coming out of the broom closet.)everyday i have to explain my actions to society, i am tired of it. Thanks For Listening To Me.

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