I was always an overly-sensitive person and have recently been diagnosed with depression. I was an athiest as a young teenager, but by the time I reached gr.12, after moving to another province, I was utterly miserable. I had read about Sinead O'Conner's abuse story, and since I admired her, I believed her when she mentioned the mercy of God. I got a Bible and went to church. A lot of the things Jesus said just floored me. I felt so amazed and hopeful. Unfortunately the Bible is not quite clear enough on exactly "how" to get saved- but instead of questioning its validity I asked a another Christian and recieved an answer. But that was alright because it felt to hopeful! (sometimes).

After awhile, I noticed I was just as miserable after becoming a Christian, only I blamed this on my lack of faith. I tried so hard to obey God and the Bible that I almost joined the Old order Mennonites, who believe in headcoverings and no tv etc. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't live up to all the rules, and never felt good enough. (I realize that many Christians never have this problem - that is fine for them. But I couldn't accept God's unconditional love because of all the rules in the Bible).

One day I thought that I had committed the unpardonable sin and for the next 6 months was convinced I was doomed for hell. This was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced, and again, I tried really hard to stop believing it and prayed and prayed that God would help me but he sure didn't hurry. I did get better, with the help of a friend. It was several years later that I simply reasoned that everybody couldn't be lying about evolution being a fact (for the sole reason of keeping others from God) and slowly I began to question.

This year, after meeting a couple of athiests at work who are very smart and nonjudgemental, I felt encouraged to check out many athiest web sites, and have to agree that they just make more sense. Not to mention that these athiests are more moral than many of the Christians I've met. I am so relieved and happy now!

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