The first words I remember my Father saying to me were "Son no matter what they tell you in Sunday School there is no hell." Those were wise words, of coarse less than a year later he was saved, quit his job and was off to Bible college to become a preacher. From that point on, Hell was a very real place, a place only Jesus could save us from. Funny how they never mention that he's the one that throws you in there as well. My father was a preacher for the rest of my childhood. From the time I was 7 until I left home, church and God were the focal point of my existance. The Bible was the unfailing word of God and what all truth was judged by, this was all very obvious to me, and I could'nt understand why everyone else did'nt see it. When your told something is true by everyone that is suppose to love you, it's amazing what you'll accept.

I continued going to church and eventually began taking theology coarses in hopes of one day following in my fathers footsteps and becoming a minister. I became a real honest to goodness bible thumping, sin hating, heathen converting fundie. That cost me a wife, smart girl. I could'nt understand why God would let that happen to me, I prayed, I had faith, I paid him regularly. So I figured it must be her fault, could'nt possible be me.

Then I met the woman I'm married to now at a christian singles group, we had a child, a daughter, without a doubt the best thing that ever happened to me. After reading a christian book about the horrors of Hell, I began to question why the God I was told was loving would punish his children like that. So being the good christian, I went to the bible for answers. For the first time I read the Bible objectivly. What I saw was a god that was cruel and heartless, that was predjudice against females and anyone that wasn't just the way he wanted them to be. Basically, I saw people attributing god with there predjudice. The deeper I looked into it the more the bible turned into a sick fairytale, a way to control people through fear. Realizing this I could no longer consider myself a christian, and quickly decided I was an atheist.

Unfortunatly my wife doesn't know yet, I won't go to church anymore and don't pray at all. I'm sure she knows something is up, just not how far it has gone. Pretty soon I will have to tell her, and hope for the best. But I know how complete the brainwashing of the church can be, so I have to expect the worst.

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