Where to start? Hmm, Lets start with my childhood. My childhood is one which I hope I can erase and forget all about it. I really wish it was all a bad dream and when I wake up, it will all be OK. But God had a different idea. Some really bad shit happened when I was young and I have been trying to forgot them since. I have been trying to bury my past, my "old man" as my Church puts it. As you all know when we become baptised as Christians we are suppose to leave all the old stuffs behind and lead a new godly lives (which is total bullshit).

Also my family is like a constant thorn in my flesh, I hate them for what they've done to me...most of all I hate God for putting me into that family, 6 billion souls on Earth and I had to be the unlucky one. I really cling to the feeble hope that 1 day, God will save me, take me to a better place. How naive I was...

The last and final straw came from a major exam which I studied hard as best as I can and I pray hard. Still I flunk it with "flying colours". It was painful and I was very bitter about it. I felt I dont deserve to fail

Many days after recieving my results I wander on the brink of suicide, I had a friend, younger, cuter than me and from the same Church. He got lucky though, he manage to jump on the big boat home by jumping off 12 storeys from his block. I would have done the same except I manage to stop and rationalize that nothing in this world is worth my death.

I look to the Bible for answers and all I got is more questions. God can sacrifice the children, health and posessions of Job so as to win a match against Satan. It all boils down that humanity is nothing more than mere pawns in a "cosmical chess game" played by 2 players. God never consoled me, or tried to pick me up. I feel the Christian story about footprints in the sand is a complete joke. I'm on my own

Now, I am a person who tries hard to kill off my conscience and humanity as I believe that being cruel, ruthless and unscrupulous is the key to success. Afterall Bill Gates didnt get to where he is today by being Mr Nice Guy. Oh yea, I practice and study occult now. But I dont follow any particular religion. Once bitten twice shy ;)

To quote Depeche Mode: I dont want to start any blasphemous rumours but I think that God's got a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find Him laughing

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