Where to begin. At the time of this writing I am a 29 year old deconverted Christian. I was raised in a Fundamentalist/Word of Faith Christian home. I went to private parochial schools from grade school right through high school (I went to lutheran schools for grade school and a Roman Catholic High School [one of the best College Prep schools in New York City] .. strict dress codes/mass once a week..the works). It was during my years in grade and high school that I learned about CHURCH HISTORY and that the History of the God's Church is stained with blood. It angered me to see the barbaric treatment of other people at the hands of the Clergy. I kept asking the question "Why didn't God stop it?" but nobody had a real answer. Also I realized there were books in the Catholic Bible that were not in my protestant bible. Books I never heard of. And no one who went to my Fundamentalist/Word of Faith Church knew about or even read.

Another reason that Christianity became hard for me to swallow at that young age was my love of Science. I KNEW that the earth was hundres of millions of years old. That there were Dinosaurs and a fossil record. That there was UNDENIABLE EVIDENCE that we evolved. I knew that our importance in the Universe was only in our own minds. This view totally contradicted everything about "Original Sin".

The idea of "Tithes and Offerings" didn't make sense either. If Jesus came to fulfill the Law (depending on which NT author you read) and Christians no longer had to follow the Law of Moses......Why was it that the tithe was ONLY MOSAIC LAW THAT WAS STILL BEING PRACTICED???!? When I looked around at church..the only people flying 1st class and living the good life were the pastors. I also learned in High School that the bible had been tampered with in it's translation. They only gave a few examples, but it was enough to shake me up. I rejected it at first since I was brought up to believe that Catholics were not really Christians but then I started to wonder. I remember one of my classmates joking about what would happen if it was proven that Christianity was a Hoax not knowing that it already had been centuries before.

The seeds of doubt took hold.

My home life was one of strict control. I was not allowed to listen to "un-godly" music, see "un-godly" movies, go to school dances, play football (which I did in secret for a season anyway..just not on Sunday), read comic books, play with action figures (they had demonic faces) or hang out with my friends after school. I was a latch/key kid plain and simple. I was miserable. I used to ask myself "If God was so wonderful..why was my life so bleak?" When I went into college and the chains were removed.. I went nuts. I committed every conceivable "sin" and loved it. But on Sunday the guilt trip would start. Especially since I was in the Gospel Choir and the University Choir. But I was ENJOYING LIFE for the first time and I couldn't get enough.

For years I struggled with what I knew about Christianity and my own spirituality. Especially when I started practicing Martial Arts. One of my fondest memories was when one of my Fundie friends came to my house and saw my "dojo" which I decorated with 3 yin-yang symbols. My fundie friend proceeded to tell me that the YinYang was a Satanic Symbol and that Martial Arts originally started out as ritual Satan Worship. (I wanted to throw her out of the house but I didn't :-)

My decision to renounce the idiot religion of Christianity came after I saw the movie Stigmata. (If you're an ex-christian or you're thinking about leaving the faith..see it). I was intrigued about the "lost gospel" the Gospel of St. Thomas. I had never heard of it. So I went looking for it and found it. This led me to information on Gnostic texts, the truth about the Gospels and why they don't agree, reading the contradictions in the "Word of God" with my own two eyes, seeing how the God of the Old Testament was an evil, pompous, murdering, unjust, mysigonistic, sadistic, brutal, ruthless entity that condoned raping, stealing, and genocide and the God of the New Testament was now loving, sweet, kind, gentle, peaceful, compassionate and merciful. I read the TRUTH about the Tithe and what they're doing in the Church today is FLEECING PEOPLE and its NOTHING like the Old Testament.

The day I threw off the yoke of Religion I felt despair. Such deep anguish and despair. My whole life I believed a lie. A fabrication. There was no heaven (at least not the biblical one) and no hell. There would be no rapture especially after Jesus promised his followers IN THAT TIME that many of them would still be alive to see him return and they have ALL rotted away in their graves..if Jesus existed at all. (it's amazing to me now that I'm free that Christians can read that passage and still believe Jesus is comming back), NO ONE was looking out for me but me and that when I prayed..there was no one on the other end.

Then a feeling of RELIEF and FREEDOM washed over me a few days later. I was free to do my own thing. To make my own way in the World. I was not a slave to the whim of some big Sky Fairy. There were no demons and no fiery torment for making the wrong choice because the evidence for the "right" choice was suspect.

If you're reading this and you're thinking about leaving.. trust me, it's very scary at first. But you'll be better off in the long run :-)

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