I no longer belong to any religion or believe in god. I was raised Catholic then drifted away from it in my twenties, mostly because I didn't intellectually understand what I supposedly believed in, I realized the emptyheadedness of going to church and praying without truly understanding why I should do it. My college philosophy course got me started on the path of critical thinking.

By age thirty I felt something was missing in my life and I started thinking about it again and realized I had a choice of religion, I didn't have to be Catholic. But how could I choose from all the religions? Did I agree with Judaism? Christianity? Islam? I thought I should read about the various religions so I could make an educated choice.

Then I realized I had a more basic question: did I believe in god? It made no sense to choose HOW to worship until I understood WHAT to worship. I had had years of exposure to Christianity but no exposure to atheism--if I'm going to decide between theism and atheism, I had better read about atheism to be fair.

At first I was afraid to even consider atheism, I was so indoctrinated to believe in god. The only reason I had believed in god was because that's how I was raised and because it seemed everyone believed, so I just took for granted it must be true, I never had reason to doubt it. I used to think to myself "who am I to question these widely held beliefs held by my parents and others? There must be some truth to it if so many believe." Then I wondered "how is it that these other people 'know' god exists and I don't?" I used to think people like priests or rabbis or deeply religious people had some secret method for knowing god exists, I felt comfortable in their presence because they seemed so SURE they were right, like the comfort a child gets from being in the presence of a parent who will tell the child the right thing to do. But I realized I was an adult and had to make up my own mind and stop relying on religious authorities to tell me what I should do.

Whatever way these believers were using to apparently gain knowledge of god, I didn't understand that way. Then I realized they are humans just like me. I'm not lacking insight or intelligence or awareness, I'm just not willing to put faith in something I can't see or even define. I read about atheism because I had doubts about god and I had to face them, I had to stop ignoring that little voice in my head that doubted.

I was truly scared and ashamed to be seen reading an atheism book, I didn't tell anyone. That's how much power my religious upbringing had on me, that's how much pressure I felt to conform to my family and friends. I had been brainwashed by society--belief in god is everywhere, and if you don't believe in god you are a minority or thought to be morally lacking. I realized that religion is a "rigged game" if it doesn't allow itself to be doubted or questioned or scrutinized. I realized that this is America and I had the freedom to make up my own mind without fear of punishment. I also told myself that if there is a benevolent god then he would want me to use my brain and investigate my doubts. Only a cowardly or insecure god would punish scrutiny and doubt.

So, after all my thinking and reading, atheism makes sense to me. I choose not to believe in god because I reject faith or revelation as a valid way of determining truth, and because I reject anything supernatural. I didn't side with atheism as an excuse to live a hedonistic life of immorality. I will believe in god when 1) someone explains what "god" means, and 2) when I see evidence. (I don't think the evidence is forthcoming because anything supernatural, including god, is by definition not able to be detected by human senses.) I do not respect any argument based on "because Jesus (or the Bible or whoever) said so." I'm willing to admit some things are unexplained, I can admit I don't know how the universe started and let it go at that until I see some proof. In my opinion, people who offer up god as the answer or explanation are showing disrespect for man's power to reason. (And I'm sure theists would say people who claim man's reasoning can answer all questions are disresp

If god created the universe then who/what created god? If you can accept that god existed forever, why can't you accept that the universe existed forever? Putting an undefined vague concept like "god" at the beginning doesn't solve anything or get us any closer to real understanding. God sounds like an answer but really isn't. The word "god" is cognitively empty or too vague to help explain anything.

I think the difference between theists and atheists boils down to different ways of thinking:

• Believer: No one has proved x IS NOT true so I believe x.
• Skeptic: No one has proved x IS true so I don't believe x.

In science there are Type 1 and Type 2 errors. A Type 1 error means you accept a false hypothesis. Believers are more likely to commit a Type 1 error because their desire to believe blinds them to the lack of evidence. A Type 2 error means you reject a true hypothesis. Being a skeptic, I'm more likely to commit a Type 2 error because my desire to avoid being deceived might blind me to real evidence. Although I doubt this would happen if the evidence is strong enough.

Many people have a negative view of atheism, particularly those who wrongly argue that since believers in god are trying to be good people, non-believers must be bad people. I think men can determine right from wrong using their reasoning. People who murder in the name of religion, such as terrorists, put their faith ahead of reasoning, always a bad choice. I believe in the golden rule, I don't need the quid pro quo of a god's eternal love to choose right over wrong. As shown over the years (terrorism, inquisition), belief in god doesn't guarantee doing the right thing. I've read that more murder has been done in god's name than any other motivation.

Where does an atheist get his morality from if not from religion? How do I know right from wrong? I use my brain to choose the action that seems the most fair and least harmful, I ask and read books by people I respect. Unlike many religious people, I don't blindly do what I'm told, I think it through. Figuring out the right thing to do can be hard work, which is why so many people let their religion do their thinking for them.

That said, I respect anyone's right to believe in god...or in angels, flying saucers, Santa Claus, whatever. But I don't respect those beliefs or the reasoning for arriving at those beliefs. I tolerate their belief in god, as long as they don't shove their belief down my throat, and as long as they treat me with respect, and as long as they don't act like they know something I don't or patronize me or feel sorry for me. If anything, I feel sorry for people who cling to their religion instead of having the guts to question it and possibly have to face life actually thinking for themselves. I respect religious people who admit they don't really "know" god exists, who admit they have doubts. But I don't understand why they would commit to a belief that is so uncertain.

Thanks for letting me tell my story. I am so glad for the internet; sites like this let me know I'm not alone in my atheism. That's important when your entire family is Christian.

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