I was enrolled in a christian school at the age of nine, and a little way into that first school year, I converted to christianity via the sinner's prayer. My family attended a Pentecostal "Charismatic" church starting then, and for the next 14 years.

I grew up in a christian school, which I attended all the way through high school. When I was depressed during my teenage years, my pastor did nothing to help. He probably didn't even know I existed. And my parents did nothing either, but imply that I was being "attacked by Satan" and I should "snap out of it."

The worship in the church was hollow -- hardly anyone even bothered to sing. There were attempts at joy, but they were forced. Nobody /enjoyed/ being at church on Sunday, that was obvious, and the ones who did were the same ones who talked about gay people going to hell and giving money so that mass conversion in foreign countries could take place.

I ended up feeling like my faith hadn't really rescued me when I needed it to, and not a single "laying on of hands" or being "slain in the spirit" or "speaking in tongues" or "holy laughter" would heal the medical problems that I fought with during those years.

Eventually I realized that I was a lesbian, and grew to deeply resent it every time I heard people talking about gays going to hell. I started slowly "phasing out" parts of christianity at this time -- the belief in hell, and the belief that anyone who didn't follow the bible to a T was going there were the first to go.

And then I discovered paganism, and the ability to use my physic abilities for healing and doing the things I had always felt a longing to do. I currently do not "worship" any god or goddess, although I do recognize their existence. Curiously enough, I am now closer to the god that the bible was written about than I was when I was a christian. Some things really weren't meant to be written down, and "inspired" does not mean "dictated."

I believe that life is about living happily, taking care of your fellow humans and animals, and being joyful in everything you do. I have finally reached the place that christianity could never get me to.

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