I was born to a catholic family in very christian Puerto Rico. I was actually very much into it since catholicism was everywhere, in TV, the newspapers, radio, etc. As a matter of fact when my parents drove me and my brother and sister through the mountains, we would usually stop at one of many points where an apparition of the virgin mary was marked by a statue of her. I always thought that her blue statues surrounded by rainforest vegetation in the middle of nowhere was fascinatingly creepy.

Anyway, I loved Jesus and didn't even thought that other religions were possible. I think that my faith in god started to change when I was on the 6th grade. I have always adored animals and I was totally crushed when the nun that taught religion in school one day told the class that animals did not have a soul. I couldn't believe it! I was so saddened by this that I made a promise to god that I would not eat candy ever again and that in exchange I would give my soul to all animals (what can I say? I was a stoooooooopid kid!)

Of course that didn't last long (the candy eating part, that is), but my resentment grew. Then it was sex. I couldn't understand why it was such a horrible thing to have sex before marriage, it just didn't make sense. Then it has homosexuality, why was this such a big sin? A god that is all loving, except if you are a homo?? A god who created this beautiful world but ONLY humans get a soul?? I was confused by these and many other silly little thoughts.

I tried to look for books that would give me some answers or some "alternatives" but this was Puerto Rico and this was the time before the internet, Borders bookstore and even cable tv (there were only 5 local tv stations at the time).

And, like a lot of people here, the "occult" called to me. I wanted knowledge. I was starved for it. I went to the University's library but all the occult books where "warning" books about the "horrors" of occult knowledge. My mom warned me that I was playing with fire. I was scared but couldn't stop.

When I moved to the US, it was like the doors to the "occult" knowledge were opened. Waldenbooks was full of new age stuff, what a joy!! The first book i read was aptly named "The Occult" by Colin Wilson. Although it seems pretty simplistic now, the 19 years of fear-of-god loaded incomprehensible cultist brainwashing and indoctrination where given a dose of reality. I was like I lived in the dark ages for so long.

Then I turned to wiccan and pagan stuff, but it all seemed lame to me. Why worship an imaginary entity? I felt silly, just like I did during my christian times, calling upon a made up "god".

I have read many books since then and have settled with Buddhism at the moment. I don't think that a God exists but perhaps there is something after this life. Religion is just that, a way to cope with the fact that our lives have an end. What happens when we cease to exist? I have no clue, and don't think that anyone else knows either.

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