My parents enrolled me into a private Baptists school when I was in the 2nd grade. They had good intentions but that was the worst thing that they did for me.

This school was a big Baptist church. It was a maze of different buildings attached to it. It was something similar to a compound. I started the there in the 2nd grade and left sometime in the middle of the 4th grade. I went to daycare there and would be in there before and after school. I stayed there all through out the summers attending vacation bible school. The whole time I was there, I experienced what you could call a bible boot camp. It was like going to church everyday.

All during 2nd and 4th grade we learned mostly about the bible, being a Christian, and having faith. I remember that most our class time would be in bible studies. I don’t remember them spending that much time on other subjects.

They ruled with an iron fist and they frowned upon us when we acted like children. They constantly preached to us about faith in Jesus. I was basically told that god had a design for me. I was told to believe in god first and I should give all my faith to him. Not to question his intent. I was told that going through life blindly was a blessing. It was ok because you had faith. God would provide you with everything that you needed so you would not have to apply your self. I would be taken care of in the after life depending on my faith. I was told all about Fire and brimstone and eternal damnation afterward to reinforce my brain washing. They would yell at us that the devil is out to get you and that you have to have faith to be able to win. Some kids cried because they scared the shit out of us. They told us that GOD is always watching you and knows what your thinking. I was saved and all that stuff. This can be traumatic to a young child and induced some anxiety.

I remember one of the fundamentalist daycare supervisors who’s name was Bill. He was weird. He would always be constantly preaching from his bible. I remember Bill dropping a coin and saying that money was dirty and he stuck it in other kids mouths and he did the same to me. He would be laughing and trying to joke around with the older kids. He told me that people put money up their but. Every time I saw him I remembered the incident. I had a suspicion that he was taking some kids down to the office and having under ware parties. He would have the secret club meetings after all the other adults had left. That is what one other kid said and they were told not to tell because it was a secret club.

I had a speech impediment and words did not come out sounding correctly. One time while playing kick ball we were are all yelling as kids do. He grabbed me and roughed me up. He took me to the minister and told the minister that I said a cuss word. I did not know what I said. Well I got a paddling for it. I tried to explain my situation to him but he would not listen. He replied something about god and spanked me anyway. I thought that maybe he was right. I never could understand why he did this since he was much older. Luckily he left and started his own ministry of fire and brimstone pedophilia.

At the same time during the Christmas I found out on my own that Santa Claus did not exist. I found toys in a closet that I was not supposed to look into. I did not make much of a deal of it. I did not tell my parents I knew either. I just went with the flow. They told us that the true reason for Christmas is the birth of Christ. I did not question it or think about it.

My parents loved us and provided the best they could for us. My parents were raised as fire and brimstone southern Baptists. They had a limited education but was kind.

While I was in the middle of the 4th grade, my parents moved to another house at the south end of town where the crime rate was lower. I guess my dad got tired of our house being broken into and our car getting stolen.

I was enrolled into a public school in the middle of the school year. I did not know any one there and did not make any friends. I had no sense of what was going on and know one told me. I did not have enough sense to ask. I was like a fish out of water. I was somewhat sad to leave the Baptist school

The disadvantage of going to the private school was I did not develop any street sense or good social skills because of the previous environment. The reason was that they ruled with an iron fist and kids could not be kids. I did not know how to communicate effectively with the other kids who were different. I did not have what you would call charm or charisma either. I never grew up mentally along with other kids in my age group. It was like being thrown to the wolves.

I did not know how to react to bullies so I stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich. I actually thought Jesus would help me but he never did. I did not know how to handle it. I was passive, I let them victimize me and I did not speak up for my self. I thought that they would stop because I was a good Christian and had faith. I thought everything would be ok. They never told us about this at my old school. My dad told me to fight back but when I did I got my ass kicked by a group of kids.

The teachers there were overburdened. They were to busy because the classes were crowded. Whenever the teachers were not looking the bullies would pick on me. The bullies tormenting never stopped. They would thump my in the ear. They would spit on me and on my launch. They slashed my bike tires. They busted me in the head with a rock. They would slap me in the face. They knocked my papers out of my hand and every one would walk on them. When I tried to fight back a whole wolf pack would form and I would get beat up. When I did get in a fight, all the kids picking on me told the teacher that I started it and I would get sent to the principles offices. I would try to explain my situation but he did not listen and I would get a paddling. I prayed all the time and nothing was answered.

Another disadvantage of going to the private school was I did not learn what I was supposed to have leaned. I had spent most of my time in the bible and learning of the grace of Jesus. I did not know crap. I was like two years behind every one else. I did not know how to do the work or study. I did not learn much about English, math, science or history. I could not even do division.

Being tormented by the bullies made me shy and I was afraid of making it worse so I did not ask for help. I could not concentrate because of the bullies constantly picked on me. I lost interest in school. I did not want to be there. I would get sick every morning just thinking about the torment.

Worst part was, I was put in special education. I was put in a class with a bunch of children that had severe learning disabilities. Some were mentally retarded. I was really tormented by the bullies about that. But I prayed and had my bible.

Bad thing about special education classes is that the teachers do not even attempt to teach you what the other classes or learning. I did not learn what the kids and regular classes were learning. They concentrate on the slowest kid of the class and what he is able to do. I had to learn at their speed and ability. The whole time I never learned that I needed to apply my self or even encouraged to so. They would just say “do it if you can, it’s ok if you can’t”.

I did not want to apply my self to get out of the special education classes anyways. It was easy and I rarely had any homework. I thought I had it made. I guess I felt like I was genius compared to the kids in the class. I made A’s just for showing up. The classes were small and no one tormented or picked on me. Every one there was friendly. I did not want to go to the regular classes because I was afraid that the other kids would get in their cowardly wolf packs and gang up on me. I became bitter towards them and held onto that for a long time.

I drifted through my child hood not wanting to do anything. I never joined any clubs or tried out for sports. I never socialized with any one. I made sure that I went out of my way to avoid other people. I kept to my self and read my bible and prayed. I kept my faith and still believed.

I stayed in special Ed all through out high school. I still did not socialize with other kids because what had happened in elementary and middle school. I still held my grudges and bitterness. I also started to hanged out in the wrong crowed. When I got to the 12th grade I started to learn about careers and the job market, I started to realize that I wasted my whole time in special ed. I never learned a dam thing. The damage was done and there was nothing I could do about it. I settled for less and just did not care. The counselor told me that I would be happy having a job working with my hands and that I could have a humble job in the construction or service field. I signed up for Tech School. They taught different trades like machine shop, air conditioning, and auto mechanics. I took electrical technology and did very well. I got a co-op job wiring up houses and digging wire trenches. I still prayed and read my bible.

After high school, I was on my own and struggled in life:

I graduated and got a full time job doing electrical construction. I started from the bottom and spent six years in the trade. I worked for different contractors going to different projects wiring houses. I never got any more the 6 dollars an hour. I was never lucky like my other friends to get good jobs with the city or with big companies.

I always got stuck working for greedy white trash contractors that employed dope heads and alcoholics they may have been fun to work with but they did not seem to care about their work and they did not know crap. I took pride in my work and worked long hours.

I even worked for one guy who was a fundamentalist. He was wiring up a church and had the nerve to ask me if I could work for free since he was doing it for free. I tried to explain that I had rent to pay and could not afford to give it up. He asked me to leave because he did not need me. He just more or less fired me for my refusal. Anyways he had shoddy business practices and he let his church associates interferer with his decision making for the business. He went out of his way to do good for others and to pay his ten percent out of his profits for tithes. His business did not last to long and it went under. He was a good guy but more or less was just plain crazy.

I was always able to get other jobs working for various contractors who needed apprentices or gophers. I worked on quarter million dollar homes and met the people that owned them. They were well off and educated. They had nice cars and probably had nice jobs. I saw that they worked very hard to attain them. They seemed very civilized. Some were rude and others were nice. On the flip side of the coin, I also work on sub standard housing. I would work on trailers and run down apartment complexes. I met the people that lived in them. They lived very hard lives and had no future. I saw the difference between the haves and have-nots.

In the houses of the have-nots, I would see the walls decorated with jesus paraphernalia. They were strongly religious. But on the flip side of the nicer homes, I hardly ever seen any Jesus paraphernalia. I was like they new something that the others didn’t.

I got to the point where I started to realize that I had prayed and busted my ass for 5 years and did not get any ware. Maybe this was gods plan for me. I decided that I had to go to collage and get my contractors license if I was going to make something of my self. I went to the sign up at a local college and in the process of filling out the financial aid found out that I could not qualify. I could not get any aid because I made one hundred dollars too much. I was mad at the world as you can get. I prayed for my life to get better but it never did.

Joined the army for a better life:

All through that week I dwelled on it. I thought that I had no future. As I was driving my beat up piece of crap car, I just happen to pass the army recruitment office and decided to See what they had to offer. They had the guaranteed collage GI bill. I thought well I don’t have nothing to loose so I signed the dotted line and joined the army. I thought it’s the greatest way to serve ones country and get experience. I can have stories to tell and it will help me with my future job prospects.

I went to basic training at FT Jackson and I did ok, I was not the best or worst. I could hold my own. I was a good shot and loved the rifle range. I completed it and felt great. It went by so fast that sometimes I forgot to pray. I got through it and I felt I could accomplish anything.

It was a mind game and I was able to realize that they did use some brainwashing techniques. It was very similar to what I had experienced when I when I first fell into Christianity.

I got to AIT and was going to school at FT Gordon GA. I did not struggle in the class like I thought I would but could not type worth a flip. I got to meet a lot of people that had many different beliefs. Some had none at all. I made a lot of friends from many cultural backgrounds.

I had a friend who was going to Special Forces and we talked about our faith. He invited me to go to a church he was attending. We went and we sat down and talked. When they started the service they stated talking in tongs. That freaked me out because the Baptist I knew did not do that. That made me think about it and I decided, well to each his own. He had his way and I had my way.

One of the requirements of staying in the army was passing a PT test. That’s doing pushups, setups, and running two miles under your required time. I was able to do everything else except for the run. I would get shin splits and had to slow down. I kept failing it, and they threatened to release me unless I could make the time for the run. I read my bible and prayed to god and went to the post church. I figured that god would give me the strength that I needed but I kept failing.

I was at my last chance. I was sent by the drill sergeant to the Captains office for counseling. She told me that if I could not make the run then I would be released and would loose my collage bill. She said that these consequences would have a negative effect on your future. I was thinking I better pray really hard. I got to get this GI bill. She signed some papers and then told me the best thing I have ever heard.

“I don’t know what you believe in but I will say this” “You have the strength with in you. You have to dig deep down inside and find it. You can do it if you put your mind to it”. Commander at the 447 Signal Battalion, Fort Gordon Georgia spring of 1994.

I thought about that for a second. It finally clicked. It made sense. I had a moment of free-thought. No one ever said that and I never thought of it. I wish I heard that a lot sooner.

Latter that night, I got to the bunk and bed down for the night and thought about it some more. I thought about my whole life and what I went through in my child hood. I thought of all my struggles in life. I thought of the people I met and what they did or did not believe in. I decided tomorrow that I would not pray. I will do it my self. What is the worst that can happen?

The next morning after passing the other events, I headed towards the track. I headed towards my destiny. I did not pray like I did and the past. I thought to my self that I will do it, I can, I must, and I have to get the collage money. We got on the track and got warmed up. We got in our places. The drill sergeant asked, ‘are you ready?” Then he yelled, “Go!!!!!!!” I took off calmly. I thought that I have to do this no matter what. I will do it. As I ran, I felt no anxiety. I did not think of pain. I stayed focused and then my mind drifted into a state of clarity. I made my self do it. I accomplished the run and was one of the first to finish it. I made it by just applying my self and believing in me. Yea it hurt but I learned I had to push my self to succeed. You get what you put in. I was so pleased with my self and told my self for now on I will believe in me. I was later transferred out to my active duty assignment and I got my GI bill...

This event changed my life. I started to doubt religions legitimacy. It changed who I was and what I would be as a person. I had evolved.

My newfound agnosticism was even more reinforced over four years of active duty. I met the most warped religious idiots in my life while in the army. Some hid behind their religion to get away with things. Some let their religion guide them in their decision-making. Some were child molesters, and failures in life. They had no sense in financial planning. They assumed the absurd and thought they knew every thing but were sadly mistaken. I dodged these idiots as much as I could. I thought to my self that I was once one of them.

Oh yea; There are atheist in foxholes and they are very much alive. Others and me did not panic and waste precious seconds to pray. I was to busy doing my job to even consider it.

The army was the best thing that happened for me. I learned confidence and developed a sense of self-esteem. I learned to believe and depend on my self. I also learned that you sometimes have to push your self and feel pain to succeed. I learned that things are not as they seem. I learned to think for my self.

Got back home, reinforced my atheism:

When I got back home from the army I had changed for the better. I had a sense of purpose and direction. I immediately went to collage to pursue a degree and Computer Science. I used the discipline and motivation that I learned in the army to apply my self. I learned a lot and gained more knowledge. I graduated and got a great paying job. I found logic and reason to be the best bet to use as a guide in life.

As I got close to finishing my degree, Alabama had proposed a constitutional amendment for a lottery to help fund education. I voted for it but it seemed that all of the religious fundamentalist voted it down. Every church had signs and billboards saying that it was wrong and to vote NO. Maybe there were some moral issues but it would have helped a lot more people then it hurt.

I read about it and talked to other people who were for and against it. I looked to understand the different reasons why people thought the way they did. I saw an ad on the TV against the lottery that stirred my anger even more. The religious right put a child in front of a church and had her state that it was wrong and sinful. She stated that she would rather go to heaven then go to hell for a lottery that made hardships for the poor. She could not even pronounce words correctly. She had an accent that sounded like all the other ignorant poor people of Alabama. I thought maybe that could have been me when I was younger.

I understood why the churches wanted to vote it down, they had so much to loose. It was not because of some high moral that they had. They would loose part of their income in tithes. They would loose future prospects as children went to collage and got educated. The religious right would say it would hurt the poor people the most. They said that the poor would buy lottery tickets instead of food and wont have any money for the rent. That was a bunch of bullshit.

The lottery was the people’s choice and I saw how the churches manipulated their flocks of sheep to vote it down. The night the education lottery was voted down, I devoted my self to atheism.

Well I can rant and rave all day about it but here are my points of why I became an atheist.

1. I got some good inspiration.
2. I achieved something on my own with out believing or praying to a god.
3. I was able to meet other people who had different ways of thinking and different beliefs
4. I went to collage and got more knowledge. I had to apply my self to graduate.
5. I was able to use Free-thought and Logic to better understand.
6. Religious tyranny has many forms. The same type of Baptist that ran that brainwashing pedophile school voted down Alabama’s education lottery. I see why.
7. I had worked for some religious nuts and saw they were messed up. There business went under.
8. I analyzed why I did so poorly in school and socially. Part of it was on me. The bigger part was I got a crapy start.
9. I applied my self and I was able to succeed when others said I could not or did not encourage me.
10. I have free thought and I realize that I can take any path that will determine my destiny. Faith and religion is stupid and you should believe in your self first.

Turning on the light:

I have more rants and raving of my philosophy and hope maybe it will inspire someone to think for them selves.

What I think here upsets a lot of people so I don’t tell them. Especially living in the Bible belt. I’ll be kind and say it’s an opinion. You may have already guessed at what I’m trying to say since your here.

Once I started to take my journey into doubt, I stated to realize that things were not at what they seemed. What I was thinking was very scary and would be to any one. I thought that I would go to hell for my heretical doubts. It was like a veil was starting to peal and that there was light coming through. I was waking up from a deep sleep into reality. The more I looked, the more light that came in.

The more I thought of it, the more knowledge I sought. I became more self-aware. I started to question its legitimacy. I compared it to other religions and ideologies. They both claim to be the true religion and that the other is false. I was thinking that this is a bunch of lies. What I said made a lot of people uneasy and some people made a big deal out of it. A couple of people got mad. Some people tried to convince me that I was wrong and that I should not think like that because I would go to hell. “WHOOOO SCARY”. I started to see it for what it really is. It all started out from ignorance of ancient cultures and it evolved into what it is today. It became a tool to motivate mass population to do the bidding of others in what they think is good against evil. There are many flavors in which can be measured by extremity. It is a big fat scam, a lie to control and enslave people. So in my quest to understand it, I became a free thinker.

What a free thinker means to me:

Since I became a free thinker I feel that I am truly free and empowered. I do have free will. I am free to go and do as I please with respect to the law and on my own morals. The buck stops here and I am responsible for my actions and well-being. I am responsible for what and who is in my care. I do care.

I am in control of my own destiny and I can change my path if I want. I know the decisions I make and my personal strength will have an effect on the outcome of my destiny. I know that I should be self-reliant and not to depend on others for what I can do for my self.

I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I just have to believe in me and apply my self. I have to put in 110 percent. When I fall on hard times I don’t let it get me down. I look at the whole situation and do what I can to overcome or adapt to it. I know I have to do the best I can to be able to adapt and deal with things that come my way.

I have common sense and I don’t do anything that is foolish. I respect and take in consideration of things that are more powerful then me. I can realize when something has or seeks an advantage over me. So I must think to adapt.

I have developed a foresight and realization that some things are not as they seem. Also on the flip side, things are just what they are. You got to open your eyes and think. I can think in different ways to solve problems more easily. I can look at different points of view. I understand that there are things that I don’t know and I am limited by level of knowledge. I know that there is only what we do and do not understand. I realize that I have to seek that knowledge for things that I don’t understand. I do not assume. I don’t jump to unfounded conclusions. I make educated decisions.

The subject of immortality is not an issue. The issue is what you do and how you live your life while you are alive. I’m not afraid of the unknown. I am not afraid of dying and the end of my existence. I don’t worry about death. I understand that death is part of the cycle of life. Everything is a part of it and I accept it. I’m just here for a little while so I’ll enjoy it the best I can but I will responsible for my actions. I’ll do what I can to make the lives of my children’s future better.

The secret of life: is to propagate. Be responsible. Evolve and adapt to change. Self-awareness, free thought, and free-will. Learn and improve. Dream of things and have ideals. Make goals and achieve them. Be happy and have fun. Love, be social, and have friends. Generally of speaking you are doing it. Why waste your time dwelling on it when you are doing it and there is nothing more to it.

There is only what we do and do not understand.

There is only what we choose to believe and what we are told to believe.

There is no great super natural being that created us. There is no god

My rant and rave on bad ideology

The greatest problem in the world is not hunger, poverty, war, or disillusionment. It’s what causes it. Think about this. The problems are bad ideologies. Corrupt groups that grab power for their own gain. They warp and bend sets of doctrines or beliefs that form the basis of political, economic, or other system. They take sets of ideals and manipulate them to their own liking. They then enforce these ideals and convince the people that it does reflect their social needs and that it reflects the aspirations of individuals, groups, classes, or cultures. The problem is religion and beliefs in mythology and in supernatural powers. Organized systems grounded in unfounded belief and worship. These groups resemble organized crime syndicates where power is everything. It does not necessarily empower people to do better. It takes away what they could achieve on their own.

All the inquisitions, the dark ages, and terrorism is very strongly linked to ideology gone wrong. The people who do this believe strongly in it and that they are in the right. Some think that they are doing it for the common good no matter how many die in the process. There have been so many corrupted and perverted people that had betrayed many peoples trust in religion and in other political systems. They do it mainly because they can get away with it and they hide behind these systems. They believe when they die that they will be glorified or be forgiven for their sins and go into heaven.

Religion and gods was developed by primitive ignorant people to help them understand the world around them. They thought that natural events were caused by supernatural beings. They had no understanding of logic and in science. They developed religion to enforce their beliefs in gods. They told a bunch of stories and gossip to enforce and teach the validity of their particular religion. These stores were handed down to one generation to another. When stories are passed down, there their meanings changes and degrades into something totally different over time. When stories are passed down, other people develop their own interpretation of what they mean. Tyrants who rose to power also had their own interpretation of the current religion and twisted it to suit their needs. They exploited it and used it to their advantage.

You can see that religious tyranny is still alive today. It is still running the world and is here to stay for the near future. Some forms may be less extreme then the other but its still tyranny. In the Middle East there are the Mullahs and Islam. It’s spreading fast like an infectious disease and along with their terrorism. In the Vatican you have the office of Christianity and the perverted Catholic pedophiles. In the US you have the stupid no logic Evangelicals and the white trash redneck Southern Baptist. In the other rural parts of the world you have tribal religious leaders who also enslave their people. Nothing gets done with out their permissions and they are the kings by default. In the inner cities of the modern world, you have these so called religious leaders who are not there for the people but to serve them selves and to act as pimps.

These psychopaths are running the asylum and are very much in charge of it.

In America and through out the world, there are many types of cultures and people that have their own beliefs. They think that their beliefs are facts. Each culture and group has there on set of mythologies and beliefs in which they think is superior to the other groups. They think that theirs is the truth and the other is false. Science and logic proves that they are false.

Since we live in America, every one is entitled to their own beliefs. That’s ok to me, as long no one goes around trying to force them on any one. But they do. They nock on my door or insultingly ask if I had found jesus?

I can guarantee you that you will come across many people who don’t have free thought and awareness. Some may have a lot of education but no common sense. Some people or more blind to the world around them then others. There are people who think they know everything but in fact know very little. They go through life with blind faith, “don’t ask no questions”. It’s like driving a car with your eyes closed. Yea you can do it but you will have a wreak. They were brain washed and led to believe in that some mythical dogma will guide them through life, so they stick their head in the sand and ignore all logic and reason. This is as effective as in worshiping a brick. They are so blind that they never consider other points of view. They are so consumed that they miss out on other great things in life.

These people get this way by being brainwashed at a younger age. They have no defense against it and are very impressionable. They have not had the chance to fully develop their reasoning skills and are at the mercy of the vultures. Some people start off slowly into it but because they are so gullible get swept away with it. Some people just want something bigger to believe in and then they are exploited.

You may meet some people like this and you need to be wary of their intentions. They will fool you into thinking that they want to be your friend and they will go out of their way to be nice to you. You will meet them on the street, at school or at work; they may be a stranger, a friend or family member. It doesn’t matter. They will use friendship as a weapon. They use compassion and friendship to convert you to what they feel is the right way of thinking. They want you to have their mindset and they believe that every one on earth should believe what they believe or they will go to hell.

Their motive is to convert you and to convince you that their way is the right way. They want you to listen to what they have to say and they want to invite you to their church. “cult”. They are always in search of new minds and bank accounts to take over so that they can grow bigger and wealthier. They are like cancer. They use brain washing and fear to convert. Its their way or the hell way. If you understand the concepts of mind control and brain washing, then you will see that is what they use.

They preach to you to make you feel guilty and say that the lord died for you and cares for us and will send you to hell if you don’t believe. “Is that caring?” They will tell you that it’s so wonderful and that it changed their life. They want you to blindly swallowing it as the absolute and unassailable truth. That’s where “faith” comes in. That’s there favorite word. They don’t want you to question it at all, period. They use Faith and Coercion to control. They will pull out their books and little pamphlets to get you to read their nonsense.

It’s important for your own well-being that you do not believe in such non-sense. It’s like believing in fairy tells that you know is made up to entertain children. Think of the ginger bread man, santa clause, elves, fairies, and peter pan. Ancient civilizations like Egypt and Greece had their mythical dogmas but they did not last. Today there are others, there is Buddha and Allah. There is even a dead guy on a stick.

It is a cancer that robs you of what you are and your full potential. It replaces your own mentality for a sheep heard mentality. It takes what you make and empties your bank accounts. It guilt’s you in to a slavery where you give up the time that you could have used for your own. It is what it is, an organized cult.

Belief in mythology leads to the psychological slavery and destruction of society. It impedes the development of self-awareness, thought, and in technology. “ They did not call it the dark ages for nothing” The world was not created in seven days. It takes eons, billions of years for things to evolve into what they are. The earth is not three thousand years old. The proof is in the fossil record. We did not just pop into existence. There is only natural selection and evolution.

There is no great supernatural being that created us. Religion is a crutch for people who can’t think for them selves.

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