At the age of 2 and a half I told my mother what heaven was like... more to the point I told her of my life in spirit before I was born. But, being the god-fearing Christian she had a good slant for it. I began attending Sunday School at the age of 3 and grew up in the Anglican church. I was often told the things I saw were my imagination.

At the age of 8 I suddenly realised... the god of the church was supposed to be the same loving spirit I had grown used to whenever I was in the bush (Australian forest). However that energy I never felt in that church.

In an attempt to find this loving spirit I attended many revivalist meetings and got "saved" after saying the 'sinners prayer' several times, just to make sure. I was truly dedicated to doing the best for my god, and to always do what he wanted. However finding out what that was proved elusive. I spent years unsure if what I was doing was 'god's will' or not.

At the age of 16 I assisted in my first revival camp as a youth leader of kids only just younger than myself. At 17 I gave my first sermon. I changed to the Assembly of God in the search for 'real Christians'. People who were not hypocrites or 'one day a week' Christians. So many people I met believed they could do what they liked and they would be 'saved by grace'. This included anything from marital affairs, to dirty business tactics and backstabbing.

At age 20 I married because I believed it was god's will. After a baby we encountered many problems including 2 car accidents, paralysis, husbands brain tumour and post natal psychosis. I could never figure out why god never answered my prayers. And I could never find more than a small wisp of the loving spirit I'd had so strongly in the wilds around my childhood home. I even studied in Bible College. I read the bible for entertainment. And I believed all the stories of why the inconsistencies actually made sense.

I always thought god must be pretty tired of me asking "why?" as I had always been curious about pretty much everything. I had felt uneasy about many explanations of pagans and biblical discrepancies. The only time I had felt the spirit was usually when I brought it in as a guest speaker.

At the age of 27 I had a near death experience. After that everything seemed to change. I became determined to live, not just exist. I began to query everything. My marriage didn't stand the strain.

One section of the bible got me more than others: 1 Corinthians 12:7 "To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." In other versions it says that all mankind were given the gifts of the spirit. That one word - "all". If all mankind was given these gifts, of healing, knowledge, miracles and prophecy, then why did the church say that any of them that occured outside a church setting must be from satan?

So I started looking for that spirit. If it had "jumped the shark" from the Christian church where had it gone? Only weeks later in a hall 2 doors from my new home there was a psychic fair. I went out of curiosity. As I walked in the doors I felt a wave of that loving energy so strong I hadn't felt since being in the wilds as a child. The emotions were overwhelming and I felt I had finally found a home.

Since then a decade has passed and my journey gets ever more interesting. I have become what I preached against in my ignorance. I keep studying and finding new things, new realities and new truths. I am now a healer, teacher, counsellor and minister.

Always trust in yourself and your own inner wisdom. It's the only thing that will make you happy.

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