I was raised a Catholic by my rather fanatical mother: filling my head with all this stuff about God and Jesus, sitting us (me and my 2 brothers) down and going through the Stations of the Cross, the fine detail of all the Catholic beliefs. There was a time when I accepted all this as truth, but then I was a child in the hands of a relatively newly-converted believer.

One day she was talking to me, and told me "you shouldn't say no to God". Well, me being me, I was tempted to try this out. I remember being 9 years old, standing in my parents bedroom, alone, and saying quietly "No to God"... and waited. I was so scared, but then that soon passed. No lightning bolts fell from the sky to zap me, nothing happened.

Pretty quickly I came to the intuitive conclusion that there was no God. Sadly, I let my parents drag me to Church every Sunday for 4 more years: I'd always found it boring, now it was boring and pointless. Then I plucked up the courage to say I didn't want to go anymore. My Father was understanding: he was a born Catholic like me, and on more than one occasion I've suspected he was a closet atheist too: that's if my mum would let him!

I remember hearing of the word "atheist" when I was about 12 or 13, and happily telling myself "Yes, that's what I am..." It was a great feeling there are others like me... it was great to know I was not alone.

And then came Evolution, courtesy of Richard Dawkins. That must be the most important book I ever read: it explains how it works, and reduces the "God" version of creation to absurd pointlessness.

Since then I've read and experienced many things. None of my experiences good or especially bad have even begun to convince me that there is a God who is "Good" and "Loves us". If there is a God responsible for any of the suffering in the world, he is either a blundering fool, or just plain evil. I cannot worship or respect such a creator, and prefer the saner option, that the universe is just as it appears, an essentially random place. Trying to explain all the suffering in the world by means of the "free will" argument is just sick, insulting and plain wrong. There are many "bad" things in this world that nobody would choose if they knew what the result would be, and if they didn't know what the result would be, how could they be blamed for the choice? I have suffered from various ailments, depression, joint problems, etc. I'm wondering how I could choose not to be ill, not to contract some horrible disease? The list is endless, but really, it is all God's fault... if there is a God.

Of course, the other thing I've learnt is that gradually "God" is being steadily squeezed out by scientific knowledge. My knowledge of subatomic physics, cosmology, etc is enough to convince me that "God" probably isn't necessary to explain the universe and our evolution on this planet. The more I read and learn, the more I'm convinced that learning about and thinking about the origins of "us" is far more important to me than simply swallowing "facts" conjured up by a bunch of shepherds thousands of years ago. I draw much comfort from the fact I'm thinking clearly: it's part of my defense against depression. Putting a God in charge of the universe does nothing for me. It doesn't make me feel special, chosen, or loved.

I feel so sorry for those poor deluded folks out there, in their millions, who still believe there's an invisible man in the sky looking after them. Where's the evidence? I've seen too much happening to innocent people to believe that. I've seen pictures of terrible suffering caused by earthquakes, and the only answer the god-believers can give is "God did it to test our faith"... but really, is "faith" worth all that suffering? Instead I believe these things "just happen", just as good things "just happen" or universes "just happen". I KNOW THERE IS NO GOD.... it is in a sense "faith" but, I don't require thousands of deaths and the suffering of millions to prove it. And it is better than the only other obvious alternatives, ie that God is evil, or God made a mistake.

I have never told my parents how much of an atheist I am. My father is dead now, but my mother always maintains that if you're baptised a catholic, you're a catholic for life... I shake my head at the delusion of it all. I wish I could tell her how I feel, but it might shock her. Or else, she'd try and convert me back. The impossibility of that makes me smile. I'd love to convert her: Christians might claim to be saving your soul, but that cannot be tested or proved. Atheists are here to save your time, and save your lives, and get you to think. I shake my head in disbelief at those poor people wasting their lives, their time, their thoughts and minds, bowing and scraping, worshiping something that doesn't exist. So, so sad.

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