I became a Christian at 23 when my then girlfriend used it as a requirement for marriage. I agreed and after a few years of coasting I embarked on a quest to really live the faith as taught.

Over the years I admit I improved my life in several ways but there was one weakness as a guy where I simply could not improve. I love the female form; always have. Almost obssessed with it. Some would say I am.

It was this weakness that was the catalyst for a life blow-out. Everything in my life was on fire -- my profession was a disaster, family life was constantly in turmoil, the church was a cauldron of stress.

I had sought the counsel of the pastor to deal with my weakness. His solutions were so draconian I actually broke out in shingles from the stress.

He got them later when his wife nearly died from an illness; thats how bad my stress was under his guidance.

At any rate, my weakness grew arms and legs and took off, exploding my outwardly idyllic life which inwardly was turbulent and painful. Among other things, I left the church.

One of the truly beautiful moments in this affair was when a church elder came to my house with the recommendation that I sell my house, have my family move in with her parents, and that I spend 6 months at a Christian detox center. For what? For enjoying porn.

I told them my life had at that point been something akin to living in a box, and I wasnt up for signing up for more of that. This guy actually pointed his finger in my face and said "You NEED to live in a box."

It was a moment I will never forget. The audacity, the gall, the attempt at control. In retrospect I regret not throwing him out of my house bodily. I was different then, or I should say I am different now.

I will never suffer a Bible thumper gladly; they will get an earful from me at every turn. I will never short change my life again and seek to live it out to the fullest for what remains.

Where I stand today I'm not sure. Do I believe in God? I imagine I'm a modified agnostic.

I'm not sure whether a God exists, but its my conclusion that if he does, he is as flawed as the humanity he created, and possibly outright evil. Certainly not someone to worship.

I will NEVER bow my knee to this jerk. If the day comes I meet him face to face as they say, there will be a hell of a scuffle before they toss me in hell's brig.

If hell is being away from God, that would be my heaven.

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