I never would have thought I'd be writing a story like this. I am grateful to websites like these which show me that I'm not on my own in leaving Christianity.

I became a Christian after going through a very hard time in my teenage years. Over the years I grew to rely on God, as there were personal issues underneath the surface which only God could help me stay on top of. Christianity was a big help to me. I had dreams about preaching in front of many people and seeing loads of people saved. I was faithful in my church for many years and was a loved and respected member of that church.

People saw that I had a strong faith in God .. there was a prayer group I went to where there was the opportunity to preach from God's Word, and I used to love doing that. My faith was fine up until the start of this year (2006) when things started to go downhill.

To cut a long story short, I kind of felt myself 'drifting away' from God, with the agonising thought that I was going to hell and there was no way back. I even ended up at the local mental hospital for about a month. I felt in my heart that I rejected God and even thought that God was going to strike me dead (just like he did Ananias and Sapphira - one of the many biblical stories I have problems with).

Friends were supporting me and doing their best to help me, but I knew something was wrong with regards to me and the Christian faith. Some strange things happened which are difficult to explain. One instance, I kind of heard a voice saying that 'God' was a liar and using particular circumstances to back up this fact. Also, one of the backbones of my faith was that the Bible was inerrant. I began to realise that this was perhaps not the case and pretty soon I realised that the bible has contradictions and cannot possibly be without error.

My Christian faith, which had been such a help for me in the past, was crumbling around me. I knew that I would find life extremely difficult without Jesus, and I still do. But even that couldn't persuade me to still be a Christian.

I have now completely abandoned and renounced the Christian faith. Realising how evil the doctrine of hell really is and how evil the god of the old testament is means that I no longer want anything to do with the Christian god. I am not sure exactly what I believe now. The breakdown of my Christian faith has left my life without meaning or hope, and I wish god could have done a better job of things. I am still slightly scared about going to hell, but reading certain books has made me a bit less worried.

There are so many issues with Christianity, that I don't know how anyone could remain a Christian. I hope this all makes sense......

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