I must admit that I am not totally convinced that Christianity is BS.

But an AWFUL lot of it seems to be.

And there are so many questions in life - for example, why didn't God SPECIFICALLY mention dinosaurs in the bible?! Leaving that out makes a WHOLE lot of people scratch their head about Christianity! Christians too, I imagine. Especially when some Christian religions are bible literalists and believe the earth is 6000 years old! But they are taught to overlook things that don't seem consistent. "God has a logic all his own and your human brain can't even begin to understand or comprehend his"!

And life is so unfair. Rich people. Dirt poor people. Gorgeous people. Butt-ugly people. The stupid jerk that gets the girl. The nice intelligent guy that goes through life lonely. Healthy people. Sick people. Babies born with no hearts. Siamese twins joined at the head.

I was raised Catholic by a fanatically Catholic mentally ill mother. (Don't get me wrong - I love my mother, but she was very sick and my entire family suffered because of it) Ruined Saturday mornings and Thursday evenings growing up going to CCD. Then ruined most of Sunday by going to church at noon. All of this until about 14 - just after I made my confirmation and my mother and father got a divorce and my father got custody of me - thank God. (Thank God!!!)

I never really wanted any part of this. I hated it from day one. I remember my parents having a tug-of-war with me as I clinged to my Dad and begged him to talk my mother into not making me go to CCD and church!

I realized that I did not have much of a choice. And I was forced to do this. And for how many thousands of years did parents force their kids to participate and believe in something that may be bogus?! What if EVERYONE skipped 100 years of all religion and we started over again without any of it? Would so many people still buy into it?

I also realized early on that the earth was MASSIVE - and the world doesn't agree on one religion! WHO is right? Christianity went east and Islam went west - and THAT is why your parents are raising you the way they are! And what about native Americans? Tibetan Buddhists? Indian Hindus? Incas and Aztecs before the Spaniards arrived with the wonderful word of Christ?! Headhunters in the Amazon?

Fear is why I would believe. Where will I go when I die? Am I doomed to the lake of fire for not following blindly? I don't want to believe in something because of fear. I want to believe because I BELIEVE. Too many people that say they believe are really saying, "I'm afraid of what could happen to me if I don't".

Good works alone will not get you into heaven - it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle blah blah blah!

If it's true I did not ask to be in this mysterious free will experiment while God supposedly abandons us 2000 years ago. Show me some proof - come talk to me. And I mean TALK TO ME!

And WHAT if I did sin HORRIBLY every day of my life for 80 years if I'm fortunate to live that long? Wouldn't burning in the lake of fire for 80 years be enough? Why eternity?

It's all so laughable - even if it's true - that's right - if God exists he's warped. "I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours but I think that God's got a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing"

I'm 38 now and life is a mystery, but I refuse to have fear force me into anything.

I'll believe it when I see it.

And if judgement day comes it will be a two way street - even if he is the almighty one!

Details