I was raised Catholic and went through baptism, first holy communion, & confirmation. I remember growing up and thinking 'I can't wait to receive my confirmation so I don't have to go to church anymore'. Since as far back as I remember, and I think it goes as far back as elementary school, I hated church.

In the beginning, it was extremely boring and didn't make any sense. I never paid attention in Sunday school. I was your typical catholic kid who would pretend to go to church only to grab the program and leave and go out to play. I had to bring it home to show 'proof' I went to church. I found it annoying how my mother would make me and my siblings go but she herself never set foot in a church unless one of us was receiving first holy communion or confirmation.

I did stop going after receiving my confirmation. I didn't set foot in a church again until basic training in the USAF just to get out of the dorm. It would be 5 years later while still in the military that I would set foot in a church again. I guess I was starting to grow and wanted answers. I went to a baptist church about 6 or so times with a friend of mine. Though I thought if I became closer to 'god' if I went to church I would find the answers I was looking for, I felt irratable because I was becoming more confused.

Typical questions I've always asked myself since I was young: Why is it does the bible talks about seeing god if he were visable as plain as day and everyone saw all these angels but for some reason no one sees the same as they once did long ago? Why does it seem Jesus' teachings seem to be twisted? Did someone change the teachings to suit there own needs to control the mass people? Why does it seem there are too many missing pieces of the story in the bible? Why does it seem nothing in the 'good' book adds up? And most importantly, why do devout christians speak about christianity in a robotic manner as if programmed?

I could go on all day about all the questions I've asked myself. It comes down to one thing. It all feels like we've been lied to for centuries. Statistics show that more and more people are going away from christianity. Christians think that this is the beginning of the end. The only end it will be is for the end of the lies.

I don't believe in religion or any deity. I can't label myself an atheist or agnostic. I don't know how to label myself. To be honest, I don't think it's all that important. I do however believe in the human spirit. I do believe we are all connected to all living things by spirit and that includes the unknown outside our universe. I believe we are apart of something bigger, we could not possibly understand what it is at this time. I know this may sound hokey to people. I am not some kind of new ager because those people are no better than people who believe in religions. I am on my own in this.

I have to say that when I finally let go of the crap I've been fed I felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I know longer have to feel guilt of insulting 'god' or doing something that might make me feel inadequate in 'god's' eyes.

Religion and the belief of a deity is destructive to one's mental well being, it causes wars, and a is way to control the masses. We are responsible for everything that happens in our everyday lives. We need to accept that responsiblity and stop using religious crutches as scape goats.

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