I was brought up a christian, but I stopped regularly going to church when I was about 11 or 12. I went on an exchange when I was 15, and saw a different side of spirituality that I had been shielded from and it got me thinking: maybe there is something more. When I got back to Australia it sparked a quest to find the truth, I turned to what I knew: Christianity.

It was all well and good, until I started questioning some of my pastor's sermons. I was always gagged and stormed out on by people I considered my friends because I was presently in my last two years of schooling, and had been taught post modernist theories of relativism and personal interpretation and had come up with a completely different argument than the one that the church said was right. I have been told that Asians will go to hell by someone I thought was my friend, then he showed me a passage (pity I can't remember it, it was a real consciousness raiser), and it all clicked in: God either:

1. Is a dickhead
2. God has more than one form and the biblical interpretation is wrong, or
3. There is no God

It sparked off a chain reaction, I got more involved in the church to see if I could benefit, but alas, none came from it. I even changed churches to go with my girlfriend, yet I am still very suspicious of all organised religion, asking for money yet returning the next week and asking for more because there wasn't enough last week, that on top of the historical discrepancies in the bible, such as the census being after Herod's death and Joseph being of the line of David but Jesus born of a virgin (rendering Joseph's lineage quite irrelevant), made me consider the choices I have.

I am searching for answers yet again, but this time I am happy about it because I am not falling into the same trap again. I am going to find the real god, whether he be real or whether he be in science or non existent, I will find him, and I will worship or not the way I want to, not the way a HUMAN tells me to.

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