I was raised a good Christian, and a good Christian I was. I even dreamt of sitting in Jesus' lap (literally) and wrote him letters, which I left in the highest window sill in the house - the closer to heaven, the more likely he'd come and get my letter.

I really believed (KNEW). I really cared. I went to the boarding school (in Africa) of the Pentecostal Church of Sweden, and there was, I remember even then reacting to, a "contest for holiness". The kids would compare just how much of the 'Holy Spirit' they had gotten in touch with... I was not considered truly baptized, since I was baptized as an infant. I had not chosen Christianity myself, they reasoned. I was very frustrated at this. But I would not be baptized a second time.

Coming back from Africa, I learned of the secular world. It appaled me. One of my friends was a scientologist, and I discovered my brother was into black magic! I SO worried for my friend and my brother. Then he gave me a book.

I had known for a while, that I believed in fairies, and that that was not quite accepted. I knew I believed in a magical reality, and that that was not considered comfortable in Christian circumstances, And with this book, I came to realise all I knew to be true, I came HOME. Problem: It was about Magic. I was not Christian in any way.

But what to do, I knew the book to be true! Well, my Christian friend reasoned, the devil was cunning in how he gets to us! She suggested I burn the book. I didn't. And her talk didn't help. In High School, I picked up a book, thinking it was about mediaeval clothing, but it turned out to contain certain historical facts considering the Old Testament, and after that I was so troubled, I had a hard time believing in that 'God' of ours, who apparently was such a villain.

I read and read and read. Anything, any religion, I studied. And concluded, it was all wrong. It was all based on us humans and that is no means of knowing Truth! All was meaningless... 'Til I awoke one day, seeing God as More Than We Define, and The All, as Female and Male, as Loving...

And that's where I am today. Lots of things have happened, I've had great controversies with Christians (not least my parents), but I still can't deny what I know in my heart tot be true: That God is bigger than our human categories, that God cannot be confined to One book, to One religion, to One set of worship! There's lots more, please keep researching...

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