I began my Christian so-called walk when I was 23 years old after some trials and tribulations in life and I was "witnessed" to by my girlfriend at the time. I thought I had a sudden conversion a la supernatural and began to believe. I went to church, studied my Bibles to a frazzle, prayed until I was blue in the face, sang my little worthless hymns and gave my hard earned money to the church.

I finally realized that we are born the way we are and our free will is very limited. No matter how hard I tried I could not "be ye perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect" and I became increasingly hateful towards myself and others. Everything on this earth was evil and ruled by Satan and so I began to hate instead of learning love. That seems to be a common trait among Christians. As other Christians I became hateful, judgmental, intolerant, vengeful, bitter, and frustrated because no one could live up to the Scriptures. In addition, over the years I had yet to encounter even ONE instance where it could be said that God was definitely responsible for an answered prayer. Everything could have been explained by natural happenstance.

God leaves you in hell on earth and then expects you to kiss his rear end. If a psychotic person ripped the arms off of someone, gouged their eyes out, burned the skin off of the bottom of their feet, and then turned around and demanded love and respect from his victim, that person would be put into a mental institution, yet that is what is expected of us towards this sick perverted creator!!! "Love me or I will tear you to pieces in hell" He says. Wonderful!

That certainly is a good incentive to love this all-loving God.

Death, wars, impalement, disembowelment, dismemberment, endless varieties of disease, corruption, and all of the wonderful matters of this forced existence on this wretched planet got to me and I realized that if God made us, he made us the way we were and it was insane to expect perfection out of creatures like us and if Jesus did in fact visit us, he did it for his own glory and did not give one crap for us. (Jesus was given all power and glory after his death and resurrection.) He knew perfectly well that from the beginning that we would be trash and that is the way he designed things to make his Son look good and be given all glory. At least that is the point I had gotten to. Instead of completely disbelieving the Bible, I got to the point where I realized that the Creator is one insane and "evil" individual.

Right now I do not give one iota who God is, or what He thinks. I realize that He cannot be pleased and we are what we are. A dog acts because of the way a dog is made and programmed; a lion acts because of the way a lion is made and programmed; human beings act the way we do because of the way we are programmed. Identical twins separated at birth will often found to have identical personality traits even down to their choice of foods and their clothes. DNA makes us the way we are; not free will. If we are warring, thieving, murderous vermin, then we were made that way.

I still sometimes have thoughts that the Scriptures were true and if they are then this God is a cruel, sick, murderous God. The longer you live, the more you see of death and destruction and it makes you ill. If this is a horrible world then don't blame us; we didn't make it !!!

It is futile to seek perfection in yourself and other Christians. You will only be disappointed, depressed, discouraged and enraged. Better to leave your expectations low for mankind and that way you will not be bitterly discouraged. I was much happier and a better person before I believed in this God / Jesus garbage.

I lost years seeking this hateful and vindictive God. Read the Old Testament; it is FILLED with murder and adultery by his own people and outright contradictions by the God of Abraham. The examples are far too many to list here. "Do not murder" He says in the Ten Commandments yet he ordered the Hebrews to kill 30,000 Midianites; men, women, children and even the animals they owned. I would say that is rather psychotic and contradictory, wouldn't you?

I am through. I have had it with a God who can only kill, maim, and destroy.

The promise of heaven after death cannot be proved and seeking it only leads to intense frustration; it is a waste of time.

I will attempt to be as good and caring towards my fellow people as I can and enjoy life while I have it. I cannot love this God. In fact I hate Him. I wish I could completely disbelieve in His existence and forget Him altogether but that hopefully will come in time.

I want to be free and I am going to continue to shake off the chains that had enslaved me for so many years. I cannot worship this God.

I welcome any comments.

Chuck S, Virginia

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