It is traumatizing to leave a religious worldview which you thought was the truth, but to be true to yourself its what ya gotta do.

I was raised "Christian" but discovered at age nine that I had to actually be "born again" to be a "real" Christian, so I prayed the sinner's prayer, believing (at that time) with my whole heart and mind. What did I know? I was only nine. It is what the adults told me was the truth, and I believed them.

I did take it to heart, very much so. I was serious, and embarked on the Christian life. Right away I started reading my Bible, start to finish. And that's where the problem started. There were things in the Bible which disturbed me, but I shelved them. Over the years more and more thoughts had to be shelved, till my mind-shelf finally gave way from the weight.

The thoughts on my shelf included ethics (Biblegod seemed unethical, even misogynistic and genocidal), inconsistencies, absurdities which I tried to believe, and historical and scientific inaccuracies, but it was the ethics that finally did it: I decided that I did not at all like Yahweh.

It took a long time to admit it to myself, and even longer to admit it to others, but it became easier over time. Finding the extian list online in my 40's helped me get over the lingering anger, and reading the wealth of books that became available helped too.

I did miss the church life and the fellowship. Eventually I found the Unitarian Universalist church, which I really enjoy. It is full of ex-christians!

I also, at a young age, had an attraction to paganism, but thought it was not an option for me. In particular, when I first heard the name of the god Odin, the god who gave his right eye to be able to drink of the well of wisdom, I felt an immediate affinity. Years later I discovered that I was not alone, and could indeed be an Odin-honoring pagan, in the religion of Asatru. I could be an Asatruer while attending the "many paths" tradition of Unitarian Universalism.

That's where I am now, far more satisfied and far happier in my religion than I ever was as a Christian.

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