I was brought up christian. I didn't question it until I was a teenager. But then I read a book which was about a woman that felt a real connection, felt "bonded" with God. So I tried praying, and going to church, and repenting (several dozen times over) and reading the bible and yeah. No matter how much I prayed, went to church and everything I didn't feel anything. I felt I was talking to a wall, and felt like I was repenting for things I didn't do.

I felt trapped by a dogma and a vicious circle. I wondered if I was doing something wrong and thought I was certainly going to hell. I had tried on and off for years. Then I really thought about it. If God was there wouldn't he welcome someone? I felt no mercy, no love, just emptiness. Like a void.

So I decided to take another path. I looked at Paganism. To me being a Pagan is basically believing whatever you want. I think there is some sort of devinity out there, just more of a "force" then a "god". I don't think whatever is divine cares whether you believe in it or not. It can take care of itself just fine without worrying about whether us poor mortals believe in it or not.

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