"I have a (Josh McDowell) book with some pretty interesting historical evidence for Christianity," I asked my lunch buddy/perspective convert. "Would you like to see it?"

"No thanks" was all she said. I did not want to shove anything down anyone's throat, so I dropped the subject. Yet something kept bothering me. I could not help but think, "Shouldn't a person take a look at ALL the available evidence and then make an informed decision?" especially in this case since a person's eternal destiny may depend upon the decision.

Not wanting to be a hypocrite, I decided I would set the example for my friend. I had already examined the Christian evidence by reading books by Josh McDowell, C.S. Lewis, and Blaise Pascal. Now I would take a look at the evidence for the other major worldviews, Atheism, Islam, Judaism, etc. and then make an informed decision. My friend would be so impressed, she would just have to follow my example and ask to see my Josh McDowell book.

Seeing debates as the best forum for discovering the truth, since opposing sides actually respond to each other's arguments and do not just present new arguments of their own, I searched for debates between Christianity and what I considered Christianity's biggest competition, Atheism. I found some good debates and articles on www.infidels.org and www.talkorigins.org. Almost always, the author of the non-Christian article provided a link to a counterarticle written by a Christian, usually on the www.tektonics.org website. (I wish I could say the same for the Christian articles.) I lined up the arguments and counterarguments and kept notes keeping track of which side was winning the overall war.

Having made up my mind that I would believe whatever the stronger arguments were pointing to, I was in for a rollercoaster ride. Like a sine curve, one day I would be on the Christian side, one day on the Atheist side. Of course, no one can stay like this for long. My sine curve damped, and gradually I came to rest on the Atheist side.

There were emotional issues pushing me in the atheistic direction as well: not wanting to have to be perfect all the time (in thought, word, and deed, by what I had done and by what I had left undone), not wanting to be judgmental of gay christian friends or of sexually active peers, wanting to date non-christians, not wanting to feel superior to "unbelievers" (my older brother included), not wanting to always have the ulterior motive of converting people, etc.

Gradually, I told the people I was closest to about my experience. Even then, not wanting to shock anyone, all I said was that I was "going through a doubting period." This at least gave me the chance to ask friends of mine why they believed in Christianity.

I eventually even mentioned my doubting to my dad (a pastor) and was surprised to hear how understanding he was. His only concern was that I keep searching for "whatever it is I was trying to find" and I not keep my search bottled up and that I find someone to talk to about it.

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