I'll start this with a note. This isn't going to be a weepy story about nutty evangelicals. I'm in Britain and it's not like that. We have two main denominations here - Anglican (Church of England, the state church) and Roman Catholic. My family was always an Anglican family. My grandparents are all mostly Anglicans. My parents, how I love them, are very, very lapsed Anglican. I can never remember them going to church and they refused to have me baptised, which caused a little heartache in the family. Sundays were just like any other day, and I was to be able to make my own mind up about religion.

I am, what could be described as an 'institutional Christian' having got my religion completely from indoctrination outside of the family rather than inside the family.

My parents originally sent me to a Catholic primary school (Americans: that's a bit like 'grade school' - ages four/five to eleven years, mixed). The full deal was there. I don't remember them well, but I do remember prayers thrice daily - morning, afternoon and grace for lunch. We had assemblies twice a week with Bible readings and so on. In the hall was an enormous painting of Jesus smiling down at us, with a halo and a cross in the background. On high days and holy days we attended mass at the church which was attached. Unlike the rest of the kids, whose parents were fully signed up Catholics, I was the one who crossed his arms rather than hold my hands out to recieve the bread and wine.

But it seemed ridiculous to me. I don't mean to denigrate anybody, but it seemed silly to believe these things. I wondered about the evidence for god and Jesus. The people around me were no more moral than I. No less moral either. We all had foibles and downfallings. Why do we have to beg for forgiveness? If I hurt someone, I have to beg them for forgiveness. And if they hurt me, I have to decide what to do. I'll generally forgive people.

Why I have to get a being who has never shown himself to me was silly.

So where has it taken me? I don't feel resentment towards Catholicism, nor religion in general. I'm an atheist in the sense of thinking that the burden of proof for the God concept lies on those who claim he exists, and that no evidence has ever been presented. There are logical problems with all descriptions of such a being. As for my personal life without a god? Brilliant. I've just been accepted on to a philosophy course, and will be studying a lot of philosophy of religion. I'm a skeptic too. The best analogy I can think up to describe my deconversion is that of opening up my eyes. Once you see the world without the optics of faith, you can truly understand the world. It becomes alive, and creates an awe that lets you truly see. Which compared to the fairy tales of faith is truly vivid.

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