When I was 19 I had a really shitty time, to be honest. On the outside I seemed to be all happy and always in for a joke, but on the inside I was looking for some purpose in my life. I also envied my best girl friend who was a christian. She seemed to never have any problems with other people and always seemed to know the answer to any question I had.

So one day I asked her to tell me how to become a christian and I really got into it. I went to her free christian church and met many great people. I also took a course on how to become a good christian. Then I moved out to another city and started living on my own. I told everybody I was christian while on the inside I had many doubts.

There are just some things that cannot be explained. How can all the races ( white/black/oriental/asian) evolve (hope I used the right word here) from Adam and Eve? It's not really possible. I asked my friend if I could believe in Jesus and not believe in the OT. She said: That is not possible because the OT is the fundament on which Jesus and the NT is built.

I was disappointed because I had experiences such a big change in me. And I didn't want to deny that. But after all I started reading atheist literature and got more into evolution facts. After a while I really lost the little faith that was left.

Here are the main things I didn't like about Christianism:

1. No tolerance for other beliefs in the world.
2. No tolerance for gay people. ( I know a gay christian who is really fighting it and really having trouble with herself)
3. The evolution does make sense, more than creationism
4. some questions are not to be asked.
5. You start to think bad of yourself and the people around you.
6. Preaching of love while threatening with hell.

In the bible it says that you shall test and keep the good stuff. The truth is that if you honestly test the bible you will find that it can't be the whole truth. Also I found out that many christians have trouble with theirselves. They think they are not good enough and that they don't do enough for god. They put theirselves under a lot of pressure. Oh, and one final thing. When my point of view changed when I became christian I thought it was the "Holy Spirit". But when I became an atheist again I had the same feeling of being "re-born" so it's all in your head I think. My christian friend is still my best friend but on this we might never agree. I just have to live with "disappointing her hopes" with my spiritual life.

Nobody knows the truth. No one will ever find out. Finally I want to put a quote here ( I unfortunatelly forgot who said it) : "Der Mensch erschuf Gott nach seinem Ebenbild." meaning " Humans created god after how they were." ( Not the other way around)

PS.: If you are Christian and you really feel that it's okay then stay christian. But just don't do it out of fear.

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