Bass Player Jokes
Q - How do you confuse a bassist?
A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one!
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - None, They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - One, but the guitarist has to show him first
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - Six, one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - One. Five. One. Five.
Q - Why do bands have bass players?
A - To translate for the drummer.
Q - Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
A - It took two hours to get the drummer out.
Q - Why did the bass player get angry with the lead guitarist?
A - The lead guitarist turned a string and wouldn't say which one.
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A - None, The Lead player can do it with his teeth.
Q - What's the definition of a bass player?
A - Halfway between a drummer and a musician.
Q - Why do bands have bass players?
A - To translate for the drummer.
Q - How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
A - Pay for the pizza.
Q - What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?
A - One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.
Q - What's the difference between a bass player and a Duracell battery?
A - The Duracell battery has a good life.
Q - Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A - Even a virus has
some pride. 
- Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favourite after-work drinks.
The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q’s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.
The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q’s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.
The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q’s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d'you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?"
A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."
- A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"
- A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was. "That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes." "So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.