Drummer Jokes
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A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger,fries, and a large coke." The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!" The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."
Q - Why did the drummer join the band?
A - He wanted to hang out with musicians.
Q - What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A - Drool.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. They have machines to do that now.
Q - "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
A - "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
Q - Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A - So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
Q - How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A - The knock always slows down.
Q - How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A - Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
Q - Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
A - So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
Q - How do you get 2 drummers to play in time?
A - Shoot one.
Q - Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A - To get away from the drum solo.
Q - What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A - The Drummer.
Q - What do drummers use for birth control?
A - Their personalities
Q - Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
A - Because he woke the baby Jesus!
From the Drummers Dictionary: Accelerando, n. drum fill; solo
Q - What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A - Gifted.
Q - Why to bands need Roadies?
A - To translate what the drummer says.
Two drummers walk into a bar, which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it. (Bar, get it!, Not a Pub)
Q - What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A - Farfromthinken
Q - What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A - You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
Q - What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q - What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A - You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q - Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
A - You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
Q - If a dollar bill was laying in the centre of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a
drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
A - The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.
Q - What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
A - They both suck without Cream.
Q - What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A - A really dumb gorilla!!!
Q - Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A - Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
Q - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
Q - Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?
A - So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the shit on the road.
Q - Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A - Me either.
Q - Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A - So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
Q - How can you make a drummer slow down?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him
Q - How can you make that drummer stop?
A - Put notes on it!
Q - How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A - The knocking speeds up.
Q - How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A - He doesn't know when to come in.
One friend to another: "Why do you hang around with that drummer? "Beats me!"
Q - How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A - You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
Q - How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A - The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Q - How can you tell when the stage riser is NOT level?
A - The drool only comes out of one side of the drummer's mouth.
A bloke walks into a shop and asks for a 50 watt Marshall amplifier and a Fender Stratocaster guitar.The shop assistant says "Excuse me sir, but you're a drummer aren't you?". The man says "How could you tell?"."Well this is a laundrette" says the assistant.
Q - What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A - "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
Q - What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A - "Would you like fries with that?"
Q - What is the difference between and chiropodist and a drummer?
A - A chiropodist bucks up your feet.
Q - What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A - Homeless.
Q - What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A - About four bars by the end of the song.
Q - How can you tell if a drummer's riser is level?
A - The drool comes out of both sides of their mouth at once.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - one, if the roadie gets the steps, takes the old bulb out, and puts the new one in.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - five. One to actually do it, and four to say how much better Lars Ulrich would have done it.
Q - How can you tell if there's a percussionist at the door?
A - The knock speeds up.
Johnny says to his mum: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up."Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."
Q - What does the dyslexic drummer do after a joke?
A - "Ching, Badumdum".
Q - How do you make a flautist into a drummer?
A - You put another useless stick in his hand, and lower his I.Q. by 30 points.
Q - How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A - You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q - How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A - Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
Q - Did you hear about the drummer that could play a steady beat?
A - Me neither.
Q - How can you tell if a drummer has been doing the crossword?
A - All the squares have been coloured in.