Astro Lesson #20 :cyber.chocolate.is.bad.for.you

Or is it? It's hard to know these days what we are and aren't allowed to eat - what is good for us and what is bad. Too much butter? Too much salt? Too much oil? Medical experts can't make up their minds and continually produce test tube results to influence us one way or another.

Commonsense prevails in most cases and tells us simply - TOO MUCH is too much - of anything. Over indulgence leaves us bloated, fat and ill. Remember the last time you just had to have that last slice of pizza, even though you knew it really wasn't gonna fit? Burp!

Enough culinary speculation! What does this have to do with web stuff, Retrogrrl? Quite a bit, actually, my little cosmonauts. Just as the medicos try to sway our daily diet, so shall ye find that many web 'experts' tend to trot out lists of what is and is not cool in web design.

"Seven Deadly Web Site Sins" is one heading we found glaring at us recently. Reading such articles tends to bring on the most horrid case of guilts imaginable. Let's look at these opinions - hey, that's all they are - and decide whether they are justified or not.

"quit.moving.already"

Oooh, I have an animation on my page, whatever shall I do - I'm condemned to the pit of cyber hell! Woe is me!

Never say never, we say! Animations are fun, and can be quite an effective interest piece. Web pages intended for general consumption must be accessible to as many net users as possible and as such are, at this point in time, constrained to a certain level of static cling. That is, new technologies - Dynamic HTML, Flash, Shockwave and the like - are certainly wonderful, but are just not going to work on all browser platforms - yet. A little javascript is usually okay - just be sure to test on as many browser setups as you can, making sure that the effect does not cause major error messages, and that non-capable browsers can display the basic image (without rollover) correctly.

A little light and sparkle - animated gifs, javascript button rollovers - can only help to alleviate the present boredom. These design gurus who point fingers and name-call are forgetting this important point. The web is interactive in so many ways, yet for those of us who cannot write fancy scripts, forms and programs to do our bidding, animations and variable pre-written javascripts are within our grasp. They produce the illusion of interactivity where it does not really exist.

As usual, issues of bandwith come in to play here. If an animation is 128k, but is clearly visually magnificent, does that give you a licence to thrill? 'Fraid not. (And yes, in case you are wondering, we DID do this heinous thing. Oh shame!)

If possible, try to avoid using any of the plethora of animated gifs already out there - make your own or beg an artsy-type friend to make one for you. Originality is what is needed. Don't have it repeated ten times on the one page, don't have it animate so fast it gives you a headache : don't have a billion of 'em : don't place them prominently on pages that require concentration - they can be distracting to the message you are trying to convey. And again, let commonsense prevail - unless Ronald McDonald is involved, a clown suit would not be appropriate attire in a board meeting, so don't have a dancing frog animation on a serious business web page. (Well, only if you are advertising dancing frogs!)

"begone.evil.blink.tag!"

How many times have we seen the humble blink tag beaten into the dust, it's confidence shattered? Of course, whole screeds of text blinking on and off would annoy even the most patient of people, but does that deserve all this hostility? Nuh uh. A good example of a legitimite blinker appeared at Retrogrrl's old ISP homepage - at the top of their page, they discreetly 'blinked' an important announcement to customers. Very Useful.

"forget.frames!"

Now hold on a minute - who are they kidding? Maybe 12 - 18 months ago frames were a bit of a no-no, only for the sensible reason that not many browsers could handle them. Now that most major browsers don't think twice when encountering frames, they can be used much more freely - in fact, some fantastic and unusual effects can be created quite easily.

If you are really worried, a no-frames alternative can always be included. Frames are a good navigation aid, and save bandwidth by allowing site visitors to keep the same information in view, without having to reload it - or get lost in the process of moving around. As usual, it is those who just don't know when enough is enough that give these options a bad reputation - developing some kind of frame-hysteria, they end up with pages looking like psychotic patchwork.

"close.that.window!"

Now here's a stoopid objection. Some people can't cope when a brand new browser window pops up upon clicking a link. Is it gonna put their eye out or something? We consider that it is in fact a sign that the webmaster has been extra thoughtful and considerate. This little function is especially necessary when working within frames - no-one wants to be transported to a new page that is also in frames - that's frames within frames, man! Ugly! It's also beneficial to you as the originating site - no matter where the visitor ends up, a copy of your web page remains on screen.

"tacky.ticker.tapes!"

Granted, like blink, ticker tapes can be pesky. But let's be fair and see them as another simple illusion of interactivity where none really exists - and besides, news or stock sites where information is updating constantly, can operate them to good purpose. A homepage, however, is not likely to ingratiate itself with the public if all that scrolls past is "see my homepage now. see my homepage now. see my ho...." Blah.

"leave.those.links.alone!"

Here's a real dumb one. Someone said that all link colors should be left to the default colors ( that hideous neon blue ) because it was only confusing trying to figure out where the hypertext links where in a document. Oh really? Do you think blue would look pretty at r.e.t.r.o.c.i.t.y? We think not. Let's be sensible here and consider such things as color scheme, and maybe even the intelligence of our readers. Designers would throw their paint-stained hands up in horror if they had no control over the color of links, alinks, and vlinks. In fact, often a very subtle variation in shade is all that's required to indicate where a link may be, and when it has been visited.

"we're.not.clear.dear!"

Navigational graphics should clearly represent what they are pointing to. A semi-valid point we agree with on one reservation. On a business site, sure, netizens are looking for information, and usually want to find it fast. If it's not clear whether the button with the big blue truck means deliveries or spare parts, then they may feel frustrated. Some text may be required to clarify the matter.

On the other hand, a personal or more artistic site can be focused towards creating an 'experience', a small element of surprise, or a reflection of the author's character. What's life without a modicum of mystery? Surely, in this life of rules and regulations, we don't want to be herded like sheep to the obvious end. We need to feel the pleasure of exploration - venturing into unknown territories, just ocasionally. Yes?

"silence.is.golden!"

Look, to be honest, we've heard some hideous sounds on the web. What some people try to pass off as decent music is appalling. Some of it's like that awful muzak stuff you get stuck with on the phone while on hold - icky! If music must be added, make an effort to find something pleasant - there's an abundance of midi repositories out there. And remember, unless you engineer it carefully, the music/sound cuts off as soon as people leave the page. That can be quite unpleasant. Otherwise, issues such as bandwidth should also be considered - sound adds to download time.

"splish.splash.don't.go.taking.a bath!"

Splash pages. You know, a page that appears before the main page loads - usually with a simple graphic saying "enter". Why are they so objectionable? Some writers can't stand 'em.

We feel they do serve a purpose. A bit like putting out a welcome mat - the front entrance to a home can say a great deal. A bit like the cover on a magazine - creating interest as to what's inside. Splash's can be a little bit of fluff in an other wise stodgy layout - pages packed with information can be given a light introduction : they help to set the tone for the rest of what's to come, a tease if you like: If anything, we suggest leaving out the obligatory "enter" - if the cyberkids can't figure out what to click, then they need help! And fast! One more thing - it may not be the splash page that get's bookmarked, so don't make it vitally necessary for any other navigation .... and create some way to get back to that page - even if it is only via the site map.

Okay, we've had our whinge with the 'expert' views, now let's be honest and check out those things that we agree really are 'bad netiquette'.

"i.did.it.my.way.stuff.yours!"

Browser-specific sites. This is really truly bad form. If you can't make a site viewable by all browsers, then you aren't really very clever after all. The challenge of the web is to try to serve some purpose to as many different browsers as possible - not to deliberately exclude them. It's easy to proclaim "this site specifically designed for ..." - the clever part is to make a page accessible and worthwhile to anyone who is interested in your information. Otherwise, provide an alternate non-specific site-link and people will feel you care about everyone equally. Awwwwwwww, now ain't that nice?

"don't.call.me.i'll.call.you"

Putting a web page on the internet is akin to standing on a mountain and yodelling "look at me". Why, oh why, then do so many sites make it impossible to find any kind of contact information within their murky depths? If you don't want to receive email, or hear from anyone ever again, then don't have a web site. Even worse, in our book, is to provide an email link and then never, ever reply to 'callers'. Here at r.e.t.r.o.c.i.t.y we make a point of replying to each and all of our little space cadets - whether 'tis to graciously thank our fans, or to moodily disagree with a comment. Doesn't matter. It's just plain bad manners not to reply.

"workin.on.the.chain.gang!"

Under construction signs. Don't need 'em. Get rid of 'em. The web differs dramatically from print in many ways, and one of the most obvious of these is it's ability to change from one day to the next. In fact - we begin to expect it - gosh we are so easily bored, aren't we? Sure, let everyone know that you are working on some great things, but think of something more original than those little yellow and black things.

"do.you.know.where.you're.going.to?"

Links that don't link. Not nice - quite rude in fact. Check your links at least once a month, it's lazy to leave broken links hanging around for ever and a day.

"can't.see.the.forest.for.the.trees!"

Incredibly loud backgrounds are incredibly boring. Well, when they have text over the top they are - it's enough to provoke an instant headache. Fancy backgrounds might be eye-catching but you don't want to make people sick! Try using a paint program to desaturate strong colors - fade them out in actual fact. This way, you can still use the same piece of artwork - just watered down!

"happy.trails!"

Familiarity breeds contempt - well it may do so when relatives are involved, but not when navigation is concerned. We humans like to find things in their place, and when trekking the wilds of cyber-space, a little bit of regularity is helpful. Some designers get carried away on a wave of excitement and try cramming as much variety as possible into a website. Don't do this with navigational aspects.

Try to keep the method for getting around within a site 'familiar', or constant. It's not helpful to place buttons on one page, drop down lists on another, vertical navbars here, horizontal ones there. Don't let your visitors get lost - leastways, if they do, don't let it be your fault. By the way, it's always nice to give them access to the site map at most times - what? you don't have one? Well, you've got something to do then, haven't you, young man?

the.last.word

Excess. That's what we want to avoid. Too much of a good thing is always bad for you. Back to diet again, aren't we. Don't forget, though, little cosmonauts! It's creativity we want, and it should not be stifled by rigid rules - a lot of this stuff is still experimental and needs to be out there for discussion and comment - everyone is entitled to an opinion, but in the end, that's all it is - someone's opinion. If you absolutely love that pink background and feel it defines the nature of life, well, it's your choice. (But we still have to tell ya, we hate it!)

By golly, Retrogrrl's gone off to the Super Nova for some games! Well, off you go too, and savour these scrawlings, til next time when we chat about ... something.