i think women have come a long way in society though there still might be some sexist men in society i think women are far better off today than they were 50 years ago. i am a man that believes in women having as much power as they want there are some women that will always be able to do things better than a man. it makes me so mad when society looks at men being the ones traditionaly in charge of the family i think people should stop always thinking the man should be in charge. i myself think that there is nothing wrong with a women being in charge at home or at work. i hope one day my girl friend or future wife will be in charge of our family and i hope that she will look at this herself as a good thing. i hope that other people will change there thoughts one day because i myself will be asking my future wife or girlfriend for permission when i want to do something and if i do not get permission i will not be doing anything. all that i have left to say on this topic is that if more women wore the pants in the family maybe things would be better off in society my old saying is this whats mine is hers and what hers is hers i would appreciate it if you would please print this thank you

one male who believes in female power

From: "joyce holden" francieholden@hotmail.com
Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000

I think that your page is one of the more intelligent ones. I must say that one feminist does not speak for all. In my mind, feminism is still needed to let people know that women are human too. We have the right not to be raped or killed. No one ever said that there are no women murderers. I do believe that these incidents are low in number.

My biggest concern is rape here in the US. The statistics say that one in four women are raped. That seems to be about right. I am one of four sisters. One of us has been raped. What really angers me is that other than my family, no one seems to care...not even the police. Even the female nurse was really rude. Now I feel that I have to keep myself locked up. The number of rapes in my city are high, and no one seems to really care much. Then there is the global concern that I have for other women. In many Middle Eastern countries, baby girls are killed just because they are women. I am not really concerned about the everyday social issues that you speak of here, but rape and killing of women all over the world. I am not a manhater as you might think. I view men to be just as important as me, but wish that they would do the same. I love my boyfriend and father very much.

I consider men to be an important part of my life. I hope that you also have a concern for violence and view it as unacceptable no matter who the victim is.

Skip to June archive entries or continue with my reply.
The subject that you raise is a serious one and also very complex. I could not do it full justice here. Let me say that the definition of rape is contentious. My argument is that feminism treats all sexual relations with men as being a violation of women to some degree. For the rest of the population the idea of rape is associated with violence and hostility toward the victim. It is associated with a clearcut non-consent by the person who is attacked.

Does society treat rape seriously? Again this is a complex question. I noticed that during the Yugoslav civil war there was a news report on television that identified an underrated, horror of the war that was unique to women: being rape. I found that interesting because one unique, aspect of the war that nobody bothered to highlight was that men and boys were rounded up and shot simply for being men. The promoted attitude is that the death of men in war is normal while rape of women deserves to be cited as women's special suffering. That is not to say however that this experience was not horrifying and traumatic. But in my opinion, this issue highlights that rape is taken very seriously. On the other hand, the issue may indeed not be taken sufficiently seriously in other contexts or countries or communities. I believe the rape of women in "minority groups" is sometimes not taken seriously because the leaders of those groups feel it is necessary to promote unity and to show a common social front. Black leaders for example sometimes promote the idea that whites are the oppressor, while black women within that social group may frequently think that the main oppressor is really the racially same men within their group!

Having said the above, there is also the issue of false reporting of rape. It is argued by some analysts that rape is heavily overreported and falsely reported. This is for a number of reasons. Feminists want to get the numbers up for propaganda purposes. They also deliberately distort the definitions to do this. There are also women who falsely claim a rape took place, for a number of reasons. This may be to claim "victim compensation" payments. It may be to get revenge on a man she has been involved with. It may be to hide her participation in an "illegitimate" relationship. For these reasons I think your figure of 1 in 4 is seriously in doubt. It is certainly not the only reported figure. The real figure could easily be as low as 1 in 100. (But this does not mean that every woman fears rape any less.)

As to your experience, this is a unique issue and one that needs to be judged on its own merits. If your sister appears to have experienced a clear and unambigious sexual attack then she obviously deserves support from you and from society and the perpetrator should be punished. However society must judge to find out whether a genuine rape has occurred and it must judge the severity of that event. Unfortunately society must judge whether she lied about the experience. I would advise that you too look critically at her account.

Many men and women have sisters or friends who have distorted their experience of a sexual encounter. I have known women who have made what seem to me to be questionable claims about being raped. I have tried to detach myself from making a complete judgement in those cases, without more evidence, and my own critical faculties at work.

In conclusion, I would say that you are right in being on your guard about the dangers of being attacked sexually. There is always some degree of danger on the streets. Some argue that there is an equal danger in the home. However you must judge the level of danger to yourself sensibly. The experiences of one person close to you do not reflect the dangers in general. If a real rape is not taken seriously by authorities and by police then this is an issue of concern that should be addressed by both men and women who believe in justice.

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