Facing Life

There was a chill in the late afternoon air, and Sam hugged her fatigue jacket around her as she wandered aimlessly through the scrub on Cheyenne Mountain. Above her, the June sunset was painting streaks of orange and purple across the darkening blue of the sky, touching fluffy white clouds with an invisible paintbrush and colouring them pink and lilac, orange and rose, violet and magenta.

The chill in the air matched the increasing chill in Sam's heart as she watched the night creep inexorably closer. Tonight, as she'd promised Daniel, she would leave the haven of Cheyenne mountain and venture into the world outside.

Down in Colorado Springs, people would be bustling along, going home from work, happy to live out their lives in simple bliss and completely unaware that beyond their town, state, country, and planet there was a war going on.

Even if they did know - would they choose to care?

Adrian Conrad had known about the Goa'uld. Whatever his intel, it had been thorough enough to know of them, both their healing capabilities and what they did to a human host. Doubtless other information had been passed to him and his people - but his concern had been only for himself. To the point where another human life didn't matter in the quest for the continuation of his own.

Conrad had known about the Goa'uld, but he'd chosen not to care.

He'd been willing to continue his life at any cost - including the freedom and life of another human being. The only consideration the billionaire possessed was for his own skin. Seeing the end of his life, he sought any means to extend it - and the Goa'uld symbiote must have seemed like the elixir of immortality.

Sam had feared death.

Sitting on the gurney, struggling as the stout one rolled up her sleeve and the thin one filled the needle with her death, Sam's breath caught, choking her. Her heart hammered against her chest, and every nerve went to 'full alert', like the base when someone came knocking on the iris. Adrenaline poured through her with the intensity of water rushing through a dam and in the midst of fear and understanding, a voice within her screamed: I'm not ready to die!

It was strange, she mused, staring out along the mountain ranges where snow still tipped the distant peaks. As a soldier, on the front line of a war, Sam should have been prepared for her death. In the SGC, doing the work she did, the possibility of death was a constant by her side; close as a shadow and intimate as a lover.

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, she realised she'd never truly been prepared.

Any other time when she'd faced death, it had been with her team at her side, or in the heat of battle when there was something she could do to occupy her mind.

This time she was alone in the chilly hospital ward with her hands cuffed to the gurney facing the prospect of her useless and meaningless death so that a rich playboy could live.

Loose rock tumbled lightly down the mountainside, alerting her to the fact that she was no longer alone in the fast-falling twilight.

Someone else was making their steady way up the mountain path to where she stood, moving with the unruffled gait of someone who will reach where they are going eventually. As he came to stand beside her at the peak of the trail, she felt the prickling awareness of his presence - a constant these last three years.

"Major Carter."

"Teal'c."

There was something soothing about the solid bulk of him looming as patiently as the mountain beneath their feet. The mountain concealed many secrets in its depths - and so too did Teal'c. He had been five years in the 'service' of the SGC, and was in so many ways still as much of a mystery as he'd been the day he walked through the Stargate to Earth with no place to go after he'd betrayed his god.

With Teal'c standing beside her, Sam wondered if this was to be the pattern of the next few days.

Sam was facing the door when the guys arrived in the commissary. She groaned softly as the Colonel promptly made for their table. Janet turned in time to see Daniel grab the older man's arm - fortunately the uninjured one - and drag him off to the other end of the room, while Teal'c inclined his head briefly to Sam and Janet, then followed his team-mates. Sam had no doubt that if Daniel hadn't intervened, the Colonel would have sat himself down, bold as brass, and asked, "So, Carter, Doc, what's up?"

Spotting Janet's smile behind the sandwich, Sam narrowed her eyes at her friend, "Have you set them to keep an eye on me, Jan?"

The MD snorted noisily, "I didn't need to."

"So for the next few days, I'm going to be tripping over them every time I turn around?" She hadn't been suspicious when Daniel turned up in her lab - that was just Daniel. But now, she wondered.

Another snort followed that question: "You think they're bad now? You should have seen them when they first found out you'd gone missing." Petite as she was, Janet's grin was very big and slightly wicked as she quoted: "'Heaven hath no rage like SG-1 on the warpath, Nor Hell a fury like Sam's guys when she's missing.'" Seeing her friend's irritation, Janet added in a more consoling tone of voice, "They were worried, Sam. Believe it or not, they care about you."

"Caring doesn't mean smothering, Janet." And if they were 'checking up' on her every couple of hours, as she'd complained to Daniel, she was going to feel smothered.

"Well, don't expect a lot of co-operation from the rest of us in stopping them from fussing over you. Now you're back, they're absolute lambs. Nobody's bold - or stupid - enough to get in their way."

The difficulty was that Sam didn't want to be alone but neither did she want to be hovered over or 'protected'. Exactly where the balance was, she had no idea - and that only made things more frustrating. She liked knowing. Knowing was safe.

"I am glad you are back, Major Carter."

Amusement tinged her voice as she replied, "I'm glad to be back, Teal'c." Her sense of humour remained intact, at least, even if her sense of security was gone. She sighed and checked her watch. Maybe she should have gone home earlier, while it was still light enough to see - but then, they'd already managed to kidnap her in full daylight on a Saturday morning, supposedly one of the busier times of day. Daylight was no more protection than darkness.

As long as she was on base, she had no fears for her safety. Yes, the NID wanted her, but right now she served a more useful purpose to them alive than dead.

She'd been more useful to Conrad dead than alive.

Intellectually, Sam knew the odds were slim of there being another billionaire out there in the same circumstances and situation as Conrad. It was an anomaly that there had been a Goa'uld symbiote on Earth at all - yet another thing for which the Russians had to answer.

Emotionally, her heart refused to believe that she wouldn't be in danger every time she walked off the base.

She hated this. She was a scientist; rational, logical, thoughtful. Surely she could deal with this better than the frustrating and stupid fear of the last few days?

A sigh escaped her, and her companion turned. "Are you well, Major Carter?"

"Yes, Teal'c," she said, her irritation at being 'shadowed' returning twice as strong. "I'm fine."

"If you say so." From anyone else, the line would have been condescending and doubtful. From Teal'c, there was no question that he meant it as he said. If she said she was fine, he would accept it as so until evidence proved otherwise. Perhaps it was just part of the tendency for the Jaffa people to be literal rather than metaphorical, but Teal'c usually spoke precisely what he wanted to say and didn't speak unnecessarily. As such, his next words seemed strange: smalltalk. "Daniel Jackson has indicated that you will go home tonight."

"He told you, did he?"

"Yes." Teal'c regarded her. "Since you are planning to return home, I was wondering if you would assist me in a small matter, also."

"Sure." At least it would be something she could do.

"As you know, it has been some time since I visited my wife and son in the Land of Light. My…relationship with Drey'ac has not been all that is…customary between a husband and wife." It was hard to see his expression in the twilight, but Sam guessed a grimace was crossing his face. "Part of the fault lies with me. While my duties lie with SG-1, I have not always been as responsible a husband as Drey'ac might wish - or as I should have been. However with my son growing to manhood, I wish to repair my relationship with Drey'ac. He should have an example of a good relationship between his parents. To this end, I wish to purchase her a small token of my regard." He paused, "O'Neill and Daniel Jackson were helpful in suggesting possible gifts, however…I am not certain that their suggestions will appeal to Drey'ac, and would appreciate your assistance."

She didn't want to face the world again.

But for Teal'c, she would.

For any of her team, she would.

When she looked up from the city below, she met his gaze for a long moment. There was no challenge or question in his eyes, only calm acceptance of her emotions and her situation and her state that had been there for as long as she had known him. And Sam found herself wondering.

For all of the five-plus years Teal'c had stayed on Earth, he'd been considered a traitor. He was hunted by his own people for being shol'va, and wanted by the NID for both the information they could give him and the healing properties of the larval Goa'uld. He'd been accused by people who only saw him for what he had been under Apophis, gotten in more trouble than it was worth to be a Jaffa, and there was a price on his head anywhere there were Goa'uld in the galaxy.

While Daniel had encountered humiliation and loss, and the Colonel had endured loss and pain, both men had known there were places they could 'fit in', if not necessarily be at ease. Teal'c had none of that. He'd left the service of Apophis, his people, his family, his honour as the Jaffa knew it, his pride… He had come to Earth, to be openly suspected at worst, and to be looked upon as an experimental guinea-pig at best. Though he'd been accepted by many of the SGC field personnel and those who worked regularly with them through his ceaseless loyalty to Colonel O'Neill and General Hammond and with them, the SGC, whispers still followed him along the corridors of the upper levels where he was considered something of a novelty.

Sam was suddenly disgusted at her selfishness. Teal'c lived with the constant shadow of the NID and other government organisations in his life. He lived with the knowledge that there were people on this world - people he had sworn to protect and serve - who would love to take him apart and study him. If she had been a 'thing' to the two men who examined her with rising excitement, delighted at the thought of being the innovators of a medical breakthrough, how much more of a 'thing' would an alien man like Teal'c be?

She would go home tonight. Now. She would stand alone in the empty, yawning darkness of the night and conquer this stupid, irrational fear of hers. Sam Carter had never yet run from a challenge: she thrived on them. The incident with Adrian Conrad and his Goa'uld would not change her life. She would not live in fear.

A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.

Teal'c knew that. He lived it every day. But when he felt fear - and as impassive as the man could sometimes be, Sam knew her team-mate felt the same fear that could course through her, or Daniel, or the Colonel - he did not let it control him.

Teal'c did not live in fear.

Neither would she.

"Teal'c," she asked him, "There's really isn't anywhere you're not hunted, is there?"

Either Daniel or the Colonel would have given her a 'look' and asked, "Where did that come from?"

Teal'c just considered the question. "No. However, there are many places where I am safe."

Sam frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I am safe in your presence, Major Carter."

That surprised her. "You are?"

He smiled, "You would do everything within your power to protect me - as would O'Neill and Daniel Jackson."

There were more people in his statement than he named, of course. General Hammond, Janet, a plethora of SGC personnel whom Teal'c had befriended - all of them would have fought tooth and nail to keep Teal'c from being claimed by the NID or some other Earth organisation with less-than-considerate intent towards the alien man.

Sam felt a slow warmth seep through her at the statement of trust. I am safe in your presence.

As it worked for him, so it worked for her.

Not just safe in his presence, but out of it as well. She had gone missing and her friends had come looking for her. She would do the same for any or all of her team-mates.

"If you do not wish…"

"No, Teal'c, it's okay." Sam interrupted him, smiling to show him that she was happy to help him out. It would give her something else to think about instead of letting her fears grow on her. "I guess if we're going to find Drey'ac something before the shops close we'd better get moving."

He smiled, and indicated the path back down towards the entrance to the mountain.

As Sam climbed back down the slope, a fragment of verse from childhood memories of Sunday School sprang into her head:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun:

A time to be born, and a time to die…"

She took a deep breath and smiled.

Now was her time to live.

*

FIN

Sequel: Half Measures - Chocolate Cake and Colonels