Human Touch

They were coming for her.

Coming to tie her down, restrain her, perform tests on her, poke her and prod her. Coming to kill her and dissect her corpse.

They thought their acts were 'for the good of humanity', but in reality, they did it only for the money a rich man was paying them. Their inquisitiveness was ghoulish: curiosity at her un-blended state, but no professional ethics which might object to her incarceration and role as a reluctant guinea-pig.

And nowhere was safe from them anymore.

A hand on her shoulder jerked her awake.

Roused and angry at their persistence, she pushed her assailant away violently and realised her hands were free - she could defend herself…

…but instead of the stout, bald man in glasses or the tall, gangly man with sandy blond hair, she found herself looking at a slim dark-haired man who held his hands up as she whirled to faced him.

"Whoa, Sam! It's just me."

He was definitely not who she'd been expecting to see.

She blinked. "Daniel?"

"That would be me," he said, smiling gently. "Sorry to interrupt your sleep." His brows drew together and he touched one finger to his cheek before pointing at hers, "You've got a pattern going there."

Lifting her hand to her face, Sam realised she'd fallen asleep with her head pillowed on her arms and her cheek now bore the imprint of her fatigues jacket cuff and button. She rubbed at it absently, trying to remove the embarrassing marks, "Sorry about that," she apologised, her heart still pounding with thrumming intensity. "I…um…"

"Not getting enough sleep lately, huh?"

"No." The admission was reluctant.

Here it came: Daniel the mother-hen. He regarded her seriously, "Bad dreams?"

"Yeah," she murmured. After a moment's silence, she elaborated: "Bad memories."

Bad memories of fighting off her kidnappers only to be overpowered. Bad memories of waking up restrained and being drugged. Bad memories of the needle holding her death and the apologetic excuses the two men gave just before the Colonel came into the room to stop them. Bad memories of kneeling next to him, checking for a pulse and calling for a medical unit to the boiler room.

Very bad memories.

Even thinking about them made her shaky. She reached for the desk and sat slowly back down, trying to hide her nerves. Unfortunately, Daniel was very observant. He'd also been taking lessons from the Colonel in 'how to make yourself a fixture in Carter's lab', and was a very good student.

A stool was dragged over and he sat down, facing her.

"You haven't been off the base since you got back, Sam."

She could feel his gaze as she glanced down at her sleeping laptop. "Uh…I've been…"

"…putting off going home," he finished for her, calmly. A moment's irrational anger poured through her - it was all very well for him to be calm! He'd never been kidnapped because he'd once been possessed by a Tok'ra symbiote, and a dying man wanted to use a Goa'uld symbiote to fix an incurable condition and looked at her as the guinea-pig which could help him get rid of the snake!

Of course, he'd been through other things instead.

Sam choked back the anger before it could overwhelm her, nearly trembling as she controlled and mastered it. There was little sign of her internal struggle on her face - of that she was sure, but when she met her companion's gaze again, Daniel was watching her with gentle eyes. "Janet said she cleared you to go home two days ago, but the duty guard couldn't find you on the sign-out sheet since we got back from Seattle."

"Are you checking up on me, Daniel?"

"I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't," he replied, unperturbed by the bite in her voice. "Besides, Jack said you've had this look in your eyes lately…"

"The Colonel said…?" She'd gone to sit with him a couple of times, but only when she knew Daniel and Teal'c were already there or when either of them were accompanying her. The grapevine had been running hot since her team-mates - especially the Colonel - went on the warpath to locate her after she vanished. No need to add fuel to the fire.

"What kind of a look did he say I had?"

"The look of a woman who's on the verge of going stir-crazy." Daniel pulled up the stool and sat himself down on it. He folded his arms across his chest and shared a smile with her. "Personally, I think he's projecting. Of the two of you, he's the one going stir-crazy." In spite of the way he finished the sentence, Sam sensed there was a second part to his statement: something involving her.

"And what am I, then, Daniel?"

It was a challenge to which he rose with the confident certainty that could be so endearing - and so exasperating.

"You're the one who'll go insane if you don't face your fears, Sam." He saw her instinctive emotional withdrawal from him and reached out to touch her shoulder. "You will, you know. You'll bottle it all up inside and we'll never know about it because you shut us out so effectively."

The plea was expected. The touch was not.

She hadn't anticipated his hand on her arm, although given that it was Daniel, she should have.

More than anything, during her captivity, she had craved touch.

Human touch. Care and comfort in the hands that handled her, took her pulse, withdrew blood from her. The gentleness and consideration of someone to whom you were a person. A fellow human being, with heart and blood, head and body, limbs and dreams, mind and soul.

Certainly she hadn't craved the impersonal proddings and pokings of the two men who burbled on about how they'd 'never seen anything like it', what a 'unique individual' she was, or 'what a thrill' it was to examine her. To these two men, she had been an object. An experimental subject of their very own, from which to take samples, and inspect, and to kill if there was no other way to acquire the information they wanted.

She'd received no kind touch from the moment she'd been kidnapped until the moment of her rescue.

So she cherished the touch.

But she resented the implication of his words. Yes, she kept her emotions close, but there was nothing wrong with that. Everybody did it to some degree. Sam was comfortable with it. She was really adept at it after years of being in the Air Force.

A little voice jeered that she was so adept at it that the whole armbands-and-force-shields incident had blown her right out of the water.

She forced it to be silent.

"'Shut us out'? You don't mean 'you'?" The snap was petty and beneath her, and she saw the hurt in his eyes. She and Daniel hadn't had a lot of time to spend with each other lately - their paths kept on crossing at right-angles to each other as one crisis after another required their particular skills in different areas. But she missed their all night long talks and the friendly ease with which they meshed, so different to the peaceful quiet of time spent with Teal'c, or the subtle tension of the Colonel's constant movement and restless energy.

"I mean all of us," Daniel replied evenly, leaning back. Withdrawing from her.

Repentant, Sam caught his hand before he could tuck it back under his elbow. His fingers closed eagerly around hers, the gentle pressure reassuring her, warming her heart. "We care about you, Sam. We can't always show it, but we do." For a moment, Sam wondered at his careful phrasing.

Then she understood what he was referring to.

Even in relief, he was restrained. His hand briefly touched her knee, the warmth of his touch seeping through the thin cloth of the hospital pyjamas. She could almost feel his emotions through that brief contact - worry about what they'd done to her, anger at the men who'd been about to kill her, relief at her safety, and an urgent concern about the man on whose orders she'd been taken.

"Don't close it all up inside, Sam. There's no shame in admitting you can't hold everything together all the time. At least," and he gave her a faint smile, "not to me there isn't.

The fondness in Daniel's voice nearly undid her, but she was too used to holding everything together all the time. Releasing that control didn't come easily - if at all. What he was offering was an ear to chew and a shoulder to cry on if she felt the need - and she did, but she couldn't. She just couldn't manage it. Not now.

"I… Thanks, Daniel."

He nodded in the understanding that she'd need his support in the coming weeks, but that she wasn't ready to let things go right now. And, being Daniel, he accepted that with a smile and a warm hug.

"I'm glad you're back safe, Sam."

It was the human touch she craved, and with characteristic instinct, Daniel had known how much she needed it and provided it for her. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, feeling his arms go around her in returned relief.

"I'll venture off the base tonight," she said over his shoulder at last. "Promise."

He pulled back to see her face. "I can drop you home if you like…"

It was tempting. Someone to be there, a reassuring presence behind her, comforting her…

"No," she sighed, "I have to face this sooner or later."

"But not necessarily alone."

"If I change my mind, I'll let you know."

The tilt of his head was very mother-hennish now. "Promise?"

"Promise."

"Good." He let her go, and a smile touched his lips. "I'm off to the infirmary now - they're due to let Jack out sometime today. Janet's decided that releasing him into the base is the lesser evil compared with having him terrorise her staff around the clock. Coming?"

For a moment she contemplated refusing his offer. Part of her wanted to stay in here where it was safe and secure and not venture out among people again

"Janet asked if you'd be around for lunch, too," Daniel added, having seen her hesitation. "I think Jack's getting on her nerves, so she'll probably want someone to vent to."

In other words, she was still wanted and still needed.

It was just the right thing to say to reach her, and she had a moment of amazement at her friend's ability to reach unerringly for the heart of her fears and soothe them.

Human touch from her friends.

Compassion and kindness from Daniel. Laughter and company with Janet. Protection and companionship in Teal'c. Amusement and acceptance in the Colonel.

Human touch.

It was enough.

So she nodded and closed down her laptop with a warm smile for him.

"Let's go."

*

FIN

Sequel: Half Measures - Facing Life