Piece of Cake

"Piece of cake, sir."

And I hurtled into a new life and a new understanding of the galaxy.

Yes, Sam, I understand now.

I understand what your life is filled with: wonder and terror and awe and amazement.

I understand the thrill that travelling through this 'Stargate' gives you. I understand the rush of delight - sweet and potent as desire - and the thirst to see more, experience more.

When I offered you the chance to step into space, it hurt when you refused. It hurt and it frightened me, because I thought whatever you were doing in this mountain couldn't possibly measure up to the joy of making it to space. I saw you disappointed and disillusioned in whatever job you were doing here.

How wrong I was!

How glad I am to have been wrong!

You have given me much more than an answer to the question I asked so many months ago, Sam, you have given me a new outlook on life. A hope and a purpose, and the promise of things to do and places to see.

You were born to shine, Samantha, with a brilliance that I could see in you, even as a child.

I saw it in your eyes when you did your astrophysics, Sam. No, I didn't understand what any of it meant - I'm just a soldier - but I understood what it meant to you. Your eyes lit up and your face animated, and I had to fight to resist the urge to lock up my beautiful, precious daughter where no man would ever see you or desire you.

Especially a man like your Colonel O'Neill.

What is he to you, Sam?

With Selmak aiding my body and my understanding, I see so much more. I see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. Nothing more than glances, exchanges without words. But his well-being is tied up in yours and your well-being is wound up in his. Selmak shows me this, and I…I'm angry at first. He has no right, as your CO and your team-mate. To tread where the regulations do not allow.

Selmak laughs at me. At my passion for these regulations that he has never had to follow and does not truly understand. When I try to explain that they are there for our protection, he does not understand. What protection, he argues, does someone need from love?

Perhaps Selmak is right.

No, he is right.

But I've lived my life following the rules, and it is hard for me to learn to cross them. Selmak helps me where I fear to tread, and slowly I'm learning that sometimes rules must be broken to achieve the desired outcome. Your Colonel would understand, I'm sure. He has the look of someone who bends the rules as he deems necessary.

I taught you to follow the rules, didn't I? A daughter after my own example. After my own heart. My son never wanted anything to do with me after she died, and the years grew colder and bleaker. All I had in the world was you, and even then I couldn't show you I cared. All I had was my military demeanour and the words that never seemed to come out right.

Sam, let me tell you something that Selmak is teaching me.

Don't follow the rules blindly.

I cut Mark out of my life when he left, and I could never quite reach out to you, as much as I loved you. The regulations that had hedged my professional life also cut me off from the people I loved.

Don't let them do that to you, Sam.

When I offered you the NASA job, I wanted you safe. I wanted you safe and secure and happy.

Two out of three isn't bad.

I see your face as we prepare to leave for the new Tok'ra planet. You've found your home on this mountain, among these people. You've found your purpose wandering through the stars. And you've found me, Sam. You've found me and brought me to a point where I have purpose to my life, too.

Thank-you.

I have to go now, but I promise you that we'll meet again. Our paths will cross many times across this huge and far-flung galaxy. I'd like that. To see you again and talk with your friends - especially that Colonel of yours.

Yes, Sam, I understand now.

* fin *