Aching

His arms ached.

Still, he wouldn't let Teal'c carry her back.

It was a small thing, but so important.

She wasn't light, although she wasn't exactly heavy either. The weight of her was solid, but she was his burden to bear. She always had been.

Nearly there, nearly there. God, Major, hold on just a little longer...

Her face was mostly obscured by the peaked cap she wore, small tufts of blonde peeking out from under it's edge. Still, Jack could see the line of her jaw and the starting curve of her lip.

Some nights, he dreamed about chewing on that hair, feeling those lips against his bare skin in open desire and sweet laughter.

Those nights, he woke up and took a cold shower, hating his subconscious for throwing up such things at his unwary sleeping brain - hating his conscious mind for being so good at blocking his subconscious out.

The nature of a man is decided in the battle between his conscious mind and his subconscious.

Trust Daniel to attract the weird philosophers.

So what did it say about Jack O'Neill, that his subconscious kept throwing up images of his life with a woman who trusted him to be professional at all times?

He tore his gaze away from contemplation of her and kept his gaze up and his legs moving.

Nearly there...

She'd fallen silent nearly half an hour ago. Before that, she'd been too weak to protest at his insistence of carrying her.

Not a coma. Please God, not a coma...

In five years, she'd become as integral to his existance as the air he breathed. Teal'c understood him. Daniel contrasted him. She somehow managed to walk the fine line between the two - and did it with a smile that he told jokes in order to see it blossom.

He got to protect her with his life; he got to work with her, cheek by jowl; he was permitted to see her in her moments of exultation and her darkest depression.

He just wasn't permitted to love her.

His throat ached.

Blue light washed over them, bathing them in the glow that spoke of home, and Daniel sent the GDO code and hurried through.

Teal'c went next.

Jack hesitated.

He should hurry through the wormhole, get her to Fraiser's care.

He should.

In spite of the muscles protesting their use, in spite of the fear for her life, he wanted to savour the feel of her cradled trustingly in his arms just a little longer...

It was a small desire and a selfish one.

And he didn't give in to it...long.

He didn't dare.

So he strode up the stairs, through the wormhole and out the other side.

The ramp grating was hard under his boots, and it seemed that someone had already called for a medical team, so he started along the corridor. He answered Hammond's questions quietly and succinctly as they came.

The weight of her shoulderblade against his chest counterbalancing the thudding of his heart against his ribs.

His chest ached.

And then Fraiser was there with her ubiquitous white coat and the trolley bed.

He lowered her down onto the bed slowly, partly because they didn't know the full extent of her injuries, and partly because it felt like a part of him was tearing away as she came free of his embrace.

Her eyes opened, flared in surprise at her surroundings, then clouded with pain. They sought him out, and he almost pushed past the medical staff to stand beside her and tell her it was all gonna be okay...

"Where is she? They said she was injured..."

The voice was like a knife in his heart, spearing him with its intensity. Nothing this man ever did was ever anything less than intense, whether leading his team through the gate, or arguing with his wife in the commissary. She loved his intensity, even if she admitted it could be disturbing at times.

Her eyes turned to her husband, her hand reached out for him, slim fingers entwining with solid ones as their lives entwined - for better or for worse.

Jack watched and felt empty. Empty like his arms, empty like his heart.

He couldn't help caring about Major Samantha Hansen-Carter. Not after commanding her, working beside her, watching her, knowing her.

Even if the right to love her had been given to another man long before she met him.

His heart ached.

*