These three friends all die at the same time and eand up at the pearly gates where Albert Einstein is waiting for them. The first chap approached and Alby asks him,

"What is your IQ, my good man?"

"250" the chap replies.

"Ah excellent. We can participate in meaningful and articulate discussions with my mates Plato and Newton about the Theory of Relativity, Chaos Theory, Astrophysics and the Theory of Everything. We will have much to discuss. You may enter."

The second fellow approached the gate and Albert asks him the same question.

"150" was the reply.

"Ah good. We can discuss the fascinating subjects of History, Philosophy, Economics and Sociology. We will have much to discuss. You may enter."

The third chap approaches the gate nervously.

"Now my good man, what is your IQ?"

"50" the third man replies sheepishly. To which Alby's response was ....

"How about those Pies, hey?"

---

This Carlton fan was looking through some old junk when he discovered an old lamp .... he rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared! The genie granted him three wishes on the basis that everything he wished for - Collingwood fans would get double the amount.

Unbearable thought but one he chose to accept. His first wish was for $1,000,000 and he got it and in return Magpie fans worldwide received $2,000,000.

His second wish was for a Baywatch Babe hence Maggies got two babes each ....

coming to his last wish he said: "You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney!"

---

Hot footy news.

South Melbourne moved to Sydney and became the Sydney Swans. Fitzroy moved to Brisbane and became the Brisbane Bears.

Secret talks are now under way to make the game international. The word is that Collingwood will relocate to the Phillipines next year.

The new club will be named the Manilla Folders.

---

Eddie McGuire goes to Carlton for a meeting with John Elliott. After the meeting, John says to Eddie, "Well Eddie, I don't know what you think of your players at Victoria Park, but mine are all bright and brilliant."

"How do you know?" asks Eddie.

"Oh well, it's simple", says John. "They all have to take special tests before they can play here. Just watch this." He calls SOS over and asks him, "Tell me SOS, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Ah, that's simple John", says SOS, "it's me!"

"Well done SOS", says John, and Eddie is very impressed.

Eddie returns to Collingwood and wonders about the intelligence of the his team. He calls in Nathan Buckley and asks, "Nathan, tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

Nathan thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit more Eddie, and I'll give you the answer tomorrow?"

"Of course," says Eddie, "you've got 24 hours."

Nathan goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his team-mates but no-one knows the answer. 20 hours later, Nathan is very worried - still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually Nathan says "I know, I'll ring Leigh Matthews, he's clever, he'll know the answer."

He calls Leigh. "Leigh," he says, "tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Very simple", says Leigh, "it's me!"

"Of course", says Nathan and rings Eddie.

"Eddie", says Nathan, "I've got the answer: it's Leigh Matthews". "No, you idiot", says Eddie, "it's Stephen Silvagni".