COLLINGWOOD / FOOTBALL JOKES (page 3)

Terry Wallace the coach of the Western Bulldogs gets wind of potential new young recruit who lives in Bosnia. Wallace and the Bulldogs Recruiting Manager catch a plane to war torn Bosnia and track the young boy down. They risk life and limb dodging bombs, bullets and grenades but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia. The boy does a full pre-season,plays all the practice matches and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game of the year.

Ten minutes into the first quarter, Chris Grant goes down with a severe knee injury. Terry Wallace turns to the boy and says "This is it son, go to centre half forward and show us what you can do." The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL history. He kicks 9 goals, takes mark of the year, and kicks the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.

The Western Bulldogs chair him off the ground and give him three cheers back in the rooms. Terry Wallace tells the team what the boy from Bosnia has been through and that he is a model lesson for all. Wallace then pulls the boy aside and says "Go into my office son, ring your Mother and tell her what you did today". He proceeds to do so.

"Mum", he says down the phone, "Guess what I did today? "I don't care what you did today his Mother replies. "I tell you what happened here today", she goes on. "Your Dad was murdered, our house torched, our car blown up, your sister raped and your brother abducted."

"Gee," says the boy. "I feel a bit responsible for what happened". The Mother replies "So you should be. If it wasn't for you we wouldn't have shifted to Footscray."

There are rumours about a guy up in far north Queensland who regularly swims a crocodile infested river every day to earn a living from tourists.

He wears a T-shirt with a Collingwood logo and the words "Magpies for Premiers in 2002" on it.

When asked how he avoids being taken by a croc he replies "Not even a croc would swallow that!!"

Q: What do you call 20 Collingwood fans skydiving from an aeroplane? A: Diarrhoea

Q: What do you have when 100 Bulldogs fans are buried up to their neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.

Q: If you see a Collingwood fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle.

Q. Why do Essendon fans whistle whilst sitting on the bog? A. So they know which end to wipe

Q: How can you tell when a Collingwood fan has an orgasm? A: He drops his kebab.

A St Kilda fan and his two Magpie supporting friends drank at the same bar every night after work. One evening, the St Kilda fan keels over and dies. The police come and are filling out the report, when one them asks the Collingwood fans, "Did your friend have any distinguishing marks?"

One of the Collingwood fans says, "I'll say he did! He had two ars*holes!" The policeman says, "Oh really, and how would you know a thing like that?" The Collingwood fan replies, "Because every night when we come in, the bartender would say, "Here comes the St Kilda fan with the two ars*holes".

A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Essendon fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Essendon fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Essendon fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Essendon fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am a St Kilda fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are you a St Kilda fan?" "Because my Mum is a St Kilda fan,and my Dad is a St Kilda fan, so I'm a St Kilda fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a St Kilda fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be an Essendon fan."

Q. Why don't you allow Collingwood fans a coffee break at work? A. Because it takes too long to re-train them.

This professor of psychology at Monash Uni built a truth-telling chair. Every time someone sitting it lied, the bottom of the chair - essentially a trapdoor mechanism - collapsed sending the seated person flying to the ground. He knew it worked - he'd tried it. But he had to do some research before any one would believe him. So he advertised in the Herald Sun for volunteers to come along and they'd get a fiver for their troubles, every hour. He received loads of replies and as such was able to take from any selection he liked. As a control for the experiment he decided to pick football supporters, and invited three along for the first day of trials.

Anyway, the first day came and a Collingwood fan arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak. "I think Collingwood Football Club are definitely the third force in Australian Rules Football..." and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him sprawling to the floor before he could carry on. Next, a Melbourne fan arrived, he sat in the chairand began to speak... "I think Melbourne are still capable of mounting a similar challenge on the title as last season" and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him sprawling to the floor before he could carry on. Then a Essendon fan arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak... "I think..." and instantly the chair collapsed sending him sprawling to the floor.