Collingwood Jokes (from 2002 / 2003) - Page 9

"SPECIAL OFFER!

Buy one Collingwood football team, and we'll throw in a towel."

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Q. What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?

A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.

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Q. Whats the difference between Collingwood and an arsonist?

A. An arsonist wouldn't waste 22 matches.

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* Collingwood are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support, soft and no

CUP!!! *

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Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their latest

stamps? They had pictures of Collingwood players on them. People couldn't

figure out which side to spit on.

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Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a Collingwood

jersey? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to

save his family from the embarrassment.

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Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants

are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside

them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best;

everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says,"Try

electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one

says, "I prefer Collingwood players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless

and their heads and bums are interchangeable."

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A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total write-off and

covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend

"What's happened to your car ?" "Well," the friend responds, "I ran over

Nathan Buckley". "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what

about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt ?" "Well, he tried

to escape through the park."

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Q. If you see a Collingwood fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve

to hit him?

A. It could be your bicycle.

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Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?

A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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Q. What do you have when 100 Collingwood fans are buried up to their necks

in sand?

A. Not enough sand.

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Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead

Collingwood fan on the road?

A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and an Collingwood

fan.

You have a gun with two bullets. What

do you do? A. Shoot the Collingwood fan - twice.

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Q. How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make excuses and

Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done his job in the first

place the light bulb would never have gone out.

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Q. What's the difference between a female Collingwood fan and a Pit bull?

A. Lipstick

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Q. Santa Claus , the tooth fairy , an intelligent Collingwood fan, and an

old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously

spot a $100.00 note. Who gets it?

A. The drunk , of course ; the other three are mythical creatures.

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Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a Collingwood Fan?

A. A Doberman.

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Q. What do Collingwood Fans use for birth control ?

A. Their personalities.

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Q. What is the difference between an Collingwood Fan and a trampoline?

A. You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.